Tearing the Veil

The disbelief in her eyes hurt more than anything else. I tried to speak, but she backed away from me, making my fears about telling her everything come true. She gazed around at the medals and flags on the wall, and I could see her physically getting sick.

"W--While I was home, taking care of our kids, you were there-- do-- doing--"

I reached for her and she jumped back at least a foot from me. A thirty-six-year marriage had just gone down the drain in an instant. She had wanted to know everything, especially since going to the shrink was dredging up things from the war. It wasn't my idea, but you can't threaten to shoot up your workplace without getting a professional involved. The had gotten me to talk, and even though I never talked about what happened in Vietnam, it started coming up at night. The first woman emerged, clutching her faceless baby. She would crawl into bed with me, pressing the bloody infant into my arms, whispering in Vietnamese.

It was the third night of kicking her out of bed when my wife started to question me. The lies only went so far before she demanded the truth. I held it in, brushed it off, gave simple answers. It was more than she could handle. It was more than I could handle. But, once the shrink caught wind of my struggle, she pressed and pressed until it slowly leaked out, little by little. The women, the bravado, the power. You felt unstoppable, you felt invincible, entitled. My shrink's face began to sour then rot when she saw me. The disgust with me was clear, so I quit going, but nothing stopped. The bloody women hung around my house, soiled my bed, smeared blood on family photos. It wasn't until I pulled a gun on my wife that I saw that I had to say it.

But now, the face of the woman I love has twisted into pure hatred. I couldn't stay anymore. She made that clear. She didn't know how to express it to our kids and grandkids but she made it clear that I was no longer her husband from that moment on. The woman I trusted, the woman I loved with everything in me, was gone within an instant.