Breaking the Cycle of Madness (a tiny love story)
″“I’m... What happened to you?”″
‘Sinking into the whirlpool of thought, worried you will misinterpret what I say. You believe I am hiding something. Of course I am - everything is subject to your discernment; and I am expected to trust that implicitly because of-- I don’t know what, principle? I see that you are but human, that I am not in your heart but the days obstacle.’
″“Don’t claim to know what’s in my heart. You’ve always been quiet, and you keep me at arms length even now- Especially now. Everything you say is so calculated... What am I left to do but guess what goes on in your head?”″
‘That is not admission. There is more to a person than what they say.’
″“Ok, but you seem like you’re protecting yourself... from ME!”″
‘No that’s not it, that’s-’
″“I’m here, waiting around for you to open up to me, but you don’t trust me or-”″
‘No, I-’
″“I don’t understand what more I have to do, I know I’m not perfect but God damnit-”″
‘Please’
″“I’m not here to hurt you or, or betray you. I just want to be-”″
‘PLEASE... ... ... please stop. I... just need to take a breathe.’
...
″“I dont know what you-”″
‘Please just... I have to... I need to take tremendous care in the words I choose.’
″“WHY? Why can’t you just speak to me OPENLY? What is it you have to think about so much? I have to convince myself to give you the benefit of the doubt every day. I am the one who feels like they’re alone. I’m the one that-”″
‘ITS YOU!’
″“What? What is?”″
‘You... are the one I’m protecting.’
″“From WHAT?”″
’From... I... ... ... There’s always a protaganist and an antagonist to every story. And in this particular story, I am both of those people... There’s never a moment where I’m not at war with myself. Against every experience, every decision, every memory. And out here becomes the wake of each battle.
’I have done... horrible things. I’ve hurt people, I’ve hurt animals. I have thought mostly of myself. I’ve driven people apart. I’ve shown love to many and then took it away. I have forgotten my own priciples. Discarded my dreams. My heart is tainted. I am nothing of what I intended to be... ... ...
‘And it is this moment- always this moment that I fear most. By now I would have already attempted to insult you deeply and force you to leave before it gets any worse. Because once you understand and accept that I am broken; you hold my fate with your next decision. And that is so terribly frightening. I’ll understand if you-’
[THEN HIS DUMBASS GETS INTERRUPTED BY A SMOOCH, HOW DO I WRITE ROMANCE GUYS LOL]