Spread Awareness Pt. 1

It started with one broken heart. A broken heart and a friend that wanted to be there for her. That’s what friends do right? After all, he was in love with her best friend. What could happen? What started with innocence became nothing short of a crime. A crime against her body, soul, and mind.

He spent time with her, he hugged her for as long she could take it. From late-night meetups to texting into all hours of the night, he became someone she knew she could rely on… and he knew that. He knew she needed him. He preyed on her when she was already at her lowest.

It started with a simple kiss that she was too broken to reject. “Maybe this could work,” she thought. While he thought “I know this will work.” Except “this” was much different in each of their minds. He slowly worked his way into her heart and body. A little further each time. Assuring her he loved her. She believed it until that night.

Red nike shorts and a gray t-shirt. Another late meetup that began with a hug in a Chick-fil-A parking lot. Teary-eyed, she climbed into the front seat of his truck. She spilled her heart out about her broken family and ex that left. He leaned over for a kiss, knowing she was too weak and lonely to back away. Slowly his hands worked their way down her body. Knowing her heart was broken and this would hurt her best friend, she pushed his hands away. Without hesitation, her hands were pushed away and held down by the hands of someone she thought was her friend. He continued to touch her until it was too far. No amount of “please no” or “this isn't good” or “ouch it hurts” would make him stop. Shorts stained with blood, she had to get out. She still smiled when he said, “I love you.” She still responded to his text that night. She had no energy left to understand what had just happened.

About a month went by she had to tell her best friend, who embraced her. The story she shared was one of a consensual experience that was a mistake. After months went by, they stopped talking. Time continued to move on and her mental state was quickly deteriorating. “Second best,” she thought. “Just a body,” she thought. No one knew what thoughts ran threw her head every second of the day. Every time she thought she could be happy again, every time she thought she could be with someone else, those dreams were shattered by the realization of what happened that night. The feeling of being a person’s back up and replacement when they couldn't have what they really wanted. The blame she put on herself was too much for a teenager. She wanted to end it. Maybe the pain would stop.

Walking to her car one night, he texted her. He wanted to talk. He wanted to meet up. Foolishly, she agreed. Once again, the car doors were locked and her head was forced on him. When he let her out, and she began to drive home, her mind was filled with thoughts of simply driving her car off the side of the road. And those thoughts didn’t stop. For months, they continued. No one knew. Coming and going with a smile on her face. Blaming herself for getting into the car, for letting him do what he did. Thinking it was her fault because she was wearing short shorts. Blaming herself for getting close with him. Maybe she wanted the attention? Maybe she just wanted to be loved?