JUST ME

Broken, lonely, and addicted dipped in ADHD washed down with Bi-polar is just the beginning of me... Please don't judge as I continue to type, this is the rawest words I have put down for others eyes.. I feel I'm part pixie from the underground, the hidden world beneath our streets, I have been punished for swimming with Greed only knowing loneliness and melancholy... I seek a connection, an effortless bond, ride or die companion, my missing piece...

Don't get me wrong I have let people in but they always disappoint in the end... I have plenty of people who call themselves friends but have endless excuses in the end... I love to hard and that's on me, I have no clue any other way to be... I wish I could be cold like some, I wish i could do what others have done...

I am at the point of letting go & saying fuck it with this human life, it has to be much easier on the other side... Spiritually I know not to take ones life, tears of sadness puddle my eyes...

I also often wonder how many times I've walked full of evil to deserve this life... I've always been lonely, dashed with a little glad, topped with isolation... every once in a while I get lucky and Mania erupts...

I love Mania, it is what my heaven will be, full of happiness, hope, and all things in harmony... Confident, stronger , ready to take on the world, with a pinch of sadness cause the bliss won't last long... I will start to crash and long for my melancholy warmth.. I am comfortable in melancholy, it really feels like home.. I long for it nightly to calm my mental storm..