One Hour to Live Recipe
Ingredients:
4 Publix bakery croissants
Iphone with email capability
4 slices Boars Head Horseradish cheese
Identification Card
Publix Spinach and Artichoke dip
Car keys
Publix Savory Chicken Salad
Wallet
Tositos Scoops
Brut Rose Champagne
Mint chocolate chip ice cream
Instructions:
Turn oven on to 400 degrees.
Grab car keys and wallet, race to Publix. While waiting in line to check out, begin writing email to best friend.
“Beatrice,
In my bedroom closet, there is a box with flower prints all over it. Inside the box are my journals, they encompass the last five years. Inside those pages, you will find how I tried unsuccessfully to navigate life. It documents the beginning of the end of my 12 year relationship with Stan: from a novice go at a cuckold relationship, misread coworker advances, to ultimately failing to get over a broken heart while still with someone else.”
Save progress so far on the email so that you can pay the kindly yet homly teenage boy behind the plastic shield. Hop into car and drive to Total Wine and More. While driving, begin talk to text email to Beatrice.
“Please edit them as best you can into something usable try to publish them so that other people dealing with these issues do not feel as alone as I did when I looked for my answers and help along the way there is another journal in my book case in my office a black mole skin with a blue rhino sticker on the cover include those into the mix start on April 23, 2020”
Save progress so far, Purchase 2 bottles of Billecart-Salmon Brut Rose Champagne from the cold cooler. While standing in line, edit talk to text email, adding punctuation.
Save progress so far, show ID to the forty something heavy set woman with frizzy hair behind a smaller plastic shield, Pay for champagne. Resume talk to text email:
“This part recover the Troy incident in my tiny four-way 48 into drug abuse it may help those in abusive relationships since I fell and we could users at this time”
Settle back into car, glance over talk to text, exclaim aloud,
“Good God! A four way? NO! F-O-R-A-Y! jeez. ‘we could users at this time(…)’ That doesn’t even make sense."
Begin typing carefully “in with an abuser” and resume talk to text email:
“You have always been my favorite most brutal editor I would not be able to trust these words to anyone else PS My last will and testament is in the gray Pendaflex in my office all my life insurance papers bank accounts 401(k) are in my desk drawer on the left hand side on the bottom stand is still a bit a factor because all of my money and my life insurance policy you will be a bit distracted emotional and forgetful I have a ton of money, please try to help him to collect it all I’ll be sending my sister the same post script I hope that Stan will put money aside for my niece and my nephew to go to college love Stacy”
After pulling in to the driveway, glance over talk to text bit…curse aloud
“Wtf Apple!? ‘A bit a factor’ for benefactor, and no punctuation, this sounds like the money is going to Beatrice”
Go inside of house with grocery and champagne.
Cut the 4 Croissants in half. Sandwich the cheese between the croissants. Place in oven. Set timer for 4 minutes.
Remove plastic covering from Spinach and Artichoke dip. Heat in the microwave based on the instructions on the side of the box.
Open Champange and pour a glass.
Begin editing letter to Best friend.
Remove croissants from the oven. Add the savory chicken salad. Place on the GoodWill purchased chip and dip dish that doubles as a cake display dish complete with cover when turned upside down. Open the bag of chips and Yay for small miracles they fit around the dip! Add the dip to the center.
After savoring a few glorious bites of croissant chicken salad sandwich and much of the Spinach and Artichoke dip with the chips, finish editing the email.
Click send.
A tiny box pops up on the screen.
There is no subject in the subject line…Would you still like to send email?
Subject: One Last Favor, Old Friend
Email Sent.
Sip on the champagne. Eat more croissants. Copy and Paste Beatrices edited email, change a few pronouns add an endearing message.
“Stan,
My last will and testament is in the gray Pendaflex in my office. All of my life insurance papers, bank accounts, 401k are in my desk drawer on the left hand side on the bottom. You are still the benefactor. You get all of my money and my life insurance policy. You will be a bit distracted, emotional, and forgetful. I have a ton of money, please try to collect it all. I will be sending my sister this same post script. I hope that you will put money aside for my niece and my nephew to go to college. The rest of the money is yours to do what you want with it. I would love for you to help support Beatrice as she tries to edit my memoirs. Allow me to live on in the words from those pages. Continue to tell your story. I always loved you stories.
Love,
Stacy”
Click send.
There is no subject in the subject line… Would you still like to send email?
“God damn it! I don’t have time for this!”
Subject: I always loved your stories!!!
Email sent.
Open up the freezer, remove the Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream. Praise freezer for the last time for keeping ice cream in the perfect state of ready to eat frozenness. Remove plastic covering over icecream. Using a thin spoon begin scooping straight out of the tube with ease and into the mouth directly. Set spoon and Ice cream down. Begin last email. Paste Beatrice’s edited email, add personal touches, and a heart felt message.
“Mary,
My last will and testament is in the gray Pendaflex in my office. All of my life insurance papers, bank accounts, 401k are in my desk drawer on the left hand side on the bottom. Stan is still the benefactor. He gets all of my money and my life insurance policy. He will be a bit distracted, emotional, and forgetful. I have a ton of money, please try to help him to collect it all. I will be sending Beatrice this same post script. I have asked him to put money aside for Betty’s and Ralphie’s college funds.
You are the greatest sister anyone could hope for! Thank you for always playing mom when mom was too tired to try.
Love you always,
Stacy”
Click send.
Email Sent.
Pick up ice cream. Sip on Champagne. And Enjoy!
If you liked the recipe please let me know! Post comments below! Follow me @onehourtolive and tag any of your successes or fails #onehourtolive so I can see all the outcomes!