Trataka (candlelight meditation)

meditation is the same as our dream state mind, the difference is, you are awake. (if you don't fall asleep. lol, who's going to sleep with fire in their hand and a group of people? not me says the girl who is clueless. you hold the candle close to your eyes and stare into the flame. i immediately noticed the flickering light it begins to dance as i stare into it. i was sitting in a candlelight meditation for the first time and didn't know what to expect. he said with it being my first nothing would happen. so nothing was what i was expecting.

As i stared into the flame i saw cool, colors i had not seen before. i burn candles all the time so i am familiar with the dancing flame. i love to watch the flame bounce around, showing its beauty. But i had not seen colors like this before. i started focusing on the colors and the flame's dance caught my eye. "LOOK AT ME" so i began watching. I studied the rhythm of the dance, watched it, bounce and sway, up and down with a wiggle here and there. it danced like a ballerina.

As i looked into the candle i saw the reflection in the glass votive i held. there was an image i didn't expect to see. beauty, not in the dancing ballerina flame. beyond that, in the reflection, i could see her face. so beautiful. her skin was perfect not a scratch or mark, you would see her skin was so fair. but it wasn't just her perfect skin that grabbed and kept my attention in my stare. it was all of her beauty. her hair was a light brown shoulder-length, with exaggerated waves like the women wore in the roaring 1920s. Her eyes were golden with specks of the ocean they sparkled in the light. They were so unique and beautiful. I'd not seen any like it. the were captivating, i couldn't help but stare. her eye shape was that of an almond perfect shape with long thick beautiful eyelashes that reached her perfect eyebrows. she was beautiful. this happened all so quickly and then i saw her bright red lips, wow. so full, so kissable, so lovely. how is it i am seeing this? it's amazing, i didn't want it to stop.

the timer goes off it's time to blow out the candle and write down anything we see. of course, just when it gets interesting, lights out. lol darn, i didn't want it to end i wanted to see more. everyone blows their candle out i do too. it's pitch black, you cannot see anything. i felt for my pad and pen closed my eyes, and, it started immediately. as soon as i closed my eyes it began.

there she was again i could see her. she was on stage singing. the people LOVED her. she sang and the world stopped to listen. everyone wanted to see who is singing so beautifully. her voice so powerful for how small she is. so beautiful. wow, this is amazing how is this happening? all eyes were on her when she sang into the microphone. unfortunately, not all were good.

she wore a yellow dress with short-sleeves that hung below her elbow. the material was light and flowing, it twirled when she spun. the dress had buttons down the front that started, at her perfect shaped breast, with a small color that laid flat. her tea-length (went to her ankles) dress in large print flowers made her look happy and likable. she wore brown wedge heels with a wrap around the ankle and they red stitching to match the flowers in her dress, hair, and her red lipstick.

she was a petite, small, fun-size girl at 5'2" 105 she had a happy pep to her step when i saw her walking. she looked like she was the sunshine. everywhere she went she made people smile. she was contagious. and everyone wanted her. her beauty wasn't just on the outside, but she shined within. she was kind and knew that love was in her heart so it didn't matter what was going on around her. she walked with no fear she knew her creator. her beauty, her charm, her smile, her friendliness, and the power in her voice made her be noticed especially by the wrong person.

the show was over and it was time for her to go. she began walking home like she always did. it was a full moon, the stars were out and she loves looking at the stars. a truck zooms by pulls over and stops just ahead in the direction she was walking. she walked over to the truck spoke and walked around and got into the truck. it was an old truck like from the 1920s, blue with rust or something on it. as they were driving everything went BLACK, i couldn't see anything. was it over?

i couldn't see anything. bam I FEEL A STAB IN MY CHEST again! oh my gosh, what was that? what am i feeling? another stab ouch. that hurts, how and what am i feeling? is it her? am i feeling the same thing she felt? what is going on? i hear a car door slam and then open again. i can see again. the hood was removed. i see water, like a lake, trees, lots of trees. it must be fall time there are leaves on the ground everywhere.

what am i seeing? what am i feeling? i started getting frightened. i had no idea i would see anything. he said i would maybe see the color purple maybe see a circle or square. but he said since its being my first time, i probably wouldn't experience anything. nothing about seeing a movie. or feeling and hearing what was happening. suddenly before i could have another thought, i felt my like i was being grabbed by my arm and thrown down then grabbed by my hair as if being drugged by my hair on top of my head. then i felt the pain in my sides and back. the sticks, i felt the sticks jabbing my back the rocks cutting my ass. was i being drugged? that's what it felt like! then the stabbing in my chest happened again and i jumped up and ran out of the room. IT WAS CREEPY AF AND I DIDN'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING. i started crying, i didn't understand. and i still don't!

that was worse than a dream, it happened while i was awake. very creepy. at least when it's a dream we shake it off as a bad dream. this stays with me. i did try it again at my own home and again at the same place to see if i would get the same experience. they were different every time!!!

Athena