i'm in a large open field

distantly, i hear people screaming

not in terror or fear

not in delight or ecstasy either

i spin

and spin

and spin

and spin

the surrounding forest trees

grow taller

closer

more daunting

more menacing

now,

the screams are in terror

vaguely,

i remind myself that i have legs

and i can run if i'd like

but my feet root themselves to the ground

as the once large open field

gets smaller and smaller

the trees get nearer

the screams get louder

i am dizzy from spinning

i wake up

lucid dreams

in ephemeral night

luminous visions

fading in twilight

it’s all a stage

with balletic grace

fake danseur nobles

adorning masks on face

pull back the curtain

rouse from sleep !

you’ll soon divine

the dance runs deep

lucid dreams

in the glimmering

night

the world’s a stage

pirouetting

in daylight.

Starting around March, I dreamt I was at the gym.

I dreamed of walking through the glass doors, waving hi to the lady always behind the front counter, signing in, picking up my rep sheet and walking over to the weight section.

I dreamed of sweating, ear buds in and blasting Linkin Park, shoes digging into foam mats, and the warmth of resistance pushing against me as I went through each set.

Then I woke up and remembered my gym's closed - permanently, now - and there's no going back.

-------------------

In April I dreamed about visiting my family.

I had brought food to share, and gave everyone big, long-lasting hugs as we laughed and talked about the crazy times we were in. All my siblings and I sat down at my parents' dying thrift store dining room table, pulling up stools and benches and computer chairs, eating junk food and sodas which I only indulge in when visiting them.

I dreamed we watched movies together and talked about our lives and what books we'd read, and then maybe we played a board game or something.

Then I woke up and remembered I haven't visited my family in months, and probably won't for awhile - because my mom has diabetes, two steel knees, and a plethora of health issues while I refuse to be her death sentence.

-------------------

This month I dreamed I went to a game shop.

My town doesn't even have a game shop anymore; I haven't been to one in ages. Yet this one was everything I wanted - sections divided by co-op, strategy, worker placement, party, old school, and TCG's. They had minifigs, painting supplies, RPG books and maps on racks, tables filled by quiet nerds, and promotional posters / dice everywhere the eye could see. The space was tight, nowhere near social distance guidelines, with dark corners perfect for people who rarely see daylight.

I was filling up a basket with items, perusing a core book, and my partner was tapping me on the shoulder to move me along to the counter - run by one of my favorite Youtube D&D hosts.

Which was when I realized the shop wasn't real and woke up.

-----------------

I don't know when I'll ever see a gym, my family, or a game shop again.

However for now I hope they'll continue to pop up at least in my dreams, so I can enjoy them the only way I can right now.

I'm in sufficating darkness. Icy water swirls around my waist, pulling me slowly along. A roar grows steadily louder. Suddenly a curtain of crystal is in front of me, pounding up foam. I can just make out sunshine and people laughing on the shore. I want, no, need to join them. The waterful flows faster, taunting me. I fill my lungs with air and dive. I've swam before, but this water is different. It's alive. It tosses me around, draging me to the bottem. There is nothing I can do. Rocks glint coldly all around me. But then a hand slices through the water, a beacon of hope.

Night after night I have the same dream. A dream that all my wishes have come true. I have started my company, and I'm making so much money they feature me on Forbes. My family wants for nothing, and my happiness is bigger than the ceilings in my house. I have this same dream time and time again. I'm starting to believe God is showing me my future. So I'll keep dreaming and maybe one day it'll come true.

I don't sleep much anymore. Nightmares drag their rancid nails down my mind and draw me from my sleep every night at exactly 2:21 AM, right before I enter the cave of the monster. I never get to see what's inside those dark chambers, is it the serial killer that haunts me? The pale toothy version of Mike Wisowsky? Or is it just the claws of darkness itself dragging it's way towards me? I suppose I won't know until the day I don't wake up.

“Well you know it’s what’s on the inside that counts,” said the old woman.

This is why she never talked about her looks, her dreams, or her love life. She wasn’t attractive and she knew it. She just hated how other people tried to hide it from her as if it were a secret. It wasn’t a secret, it was written clear as day across her face. Her big bulbous nose, small eyes, and gummy smile made her hard to look at. Even after losing the weight, she had to accept that she could never be beautiful. It did hurt sometimes: not getting a call back after going on a date, being invisible among her group of friends, and being asked to take the photo instead of being in it. Yeah, it hurt, but she had grown to accept it.

“It’s okay ma’am, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” she lied. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. She was comfortable enough in her skin. She had abandoned dating and didn’t go out much anymore due to her busy work schedule. Some days she could get through the entire day without feeling ugly. Some days she even felt good enough to take a photo of herself with a filter on. Of course, the next day she would have to delete said pictures, but for a moment she allowed herself to feel almost pretty.

“Well I suppose that’s good,” said the old woman, “you are a career woman, after all, your looks don’t matter too much.” To that, she didn’t know what to say. Yes, she was a career woman, but to say her looks didn’t matter there was a complete lie. She had to work so much harder than her pretty colleagues just to be seen. Interacting with the opposite sex had always been a struggle. They always either looked down on her or saw straight through her. It didn’t help that her boss was probably the most misogynistic man she had ever met. She was lucky that she didn’t have to deal with his harassment, but his words still hurt. ‘Oh Kyra dear, I hope you put more effort into those reports than you did into your makeup’. ‘At least I don’t have to worry about my dear Kyra leaving me for a husband, lord knows no one would have her’. Despite how much she hated him, she had to admit he was right. She just wasn’t cut out for that life. One that involved respect, friends, love, marriage, and a family.

“Yeah, I am a career woman. I don’t even want to think about marriage and the alternative. My focus right now is on my job,” she told the old woman who in return gave her an approving smile. The last thing she needed was people knowing about her white picket fence dreams that could never be.

I was looking for a place and stopped my car too close to the train tracks. There was a loud sound, the arm coming down. I had to back up. I tried to push something on the dash. BRIGHT WHITE FLASH - blinded me!! I was OUT!! I came to and tried explaining to the people in the car behind me. "It was not my button to turn on the (emergency) flashers!!" I got turned around and went back up the road a ways.

I saw many kids in the distance playing at a colorful outdoor playground in a government subsidized housing unit. I stopped to look around, as I was still lost. A young woman was climbing up to her apartment by literally climbing the outside of the building. She was very scantily clad, so I could see her big body, visible from below, but couldn't see the clothing from my perspective. I went back up the highway and made it to a major intersection. I turned right.

Since I was unsure where to go, I stopped at a deserted bar and went inside to ask the way. The man who owned the building was there and showed me on his huge computer with multiple screens how the bar had been built. The panels appeared to converge. These panels, which I supposed represented the walls of the bar, were like green-leafed trees with clouds and blue sky behind them as they came together. Then he showed me (video of) the first skit that had been enacted there with almost no narration. The set was like a Western, and there was a trapdoor.

Many kids came boisterously in, and among them was a little girl of about 8 years of age. She was a former student of mine, but hadn't attended my school for several years as she'd moved away. We were wild with delight! She had been a crazy kid but was so glad to see me! I picked her up in our ecstatic embrace!

meditation is the same as our dream state mind, the difference is, you are awake. (if you don't fall asleep. lol, who's going to sleep with fire in their hand and a group of people? not me says the girl who is clueless. you hold the candle close to your eyes and stare into the flame. i immediately noticed the flickering light it begins to dance as i stare into it. i was sitting in a candlelight meditation for the first time and didn't know what to expect. he said with it being my first nothing would happen. so nothing was what i was expecting.

As i stared into the flame i saw cool, colors i had not seen before. i burn candles all the time so i am familiar with the dancing flame. i love to watch the flame bounce around, showing its beauty. But i had not seen colors like this before. i started focusing on the colors and the flame's dance caught my eye. "LOOK AT ME" so i began watching. I studied the rhythm of the dance, watched it, bounce and sway, up and down with a wiggle here and there. it danced like a ballerina.

As i looked into the candle i saw the reflection in the glass votive i held. there was an image i didn't expect to see. beauty, not in the dancing ballerina flame. beyond that, in the reflection, i could see her face. so beautiful. her skin was perfect not a scratch or mark, you would see her skin was so fair. but it wasn't just her perfect skin that grabbed and kept my attention in my stare. it was all of her beauty. her hair was a light brown shoulder-length, with exaggerated waves like the women wore in the roaring 1920s. Her eyes were golden with specks of the ocean they sparkled in the light. They were so unique and beautiful. I'd not seen any like it. the were captivating, i couldn't help but stare. her eye shape was that of an almond perfect shape with long thick beautiful eyelashes that reached her perfect eyebrows. she was beautiful. this happened all so quickly and then i saw her bright red lips, wow. so full, so kissable, so lovely. how is it i am seeing this? it's amazing, i didn't want it to stop.

the timer goes off it's time to blow out the candle and write down anything we see. of course, just when it gets interesting, lights out. lol darn, i didn't want it to end i wanted to see more. everyone blows their candle out i do too. it's pitch black, you cannot see anything. i felt for my pad and pen closed my eyes, and, it started immediately. as soon as i closed my eyes it began.

there she was again i could see her. she was on stage singing. the people LOVED her. she sang and the world stopped to listen. everyone wanted to see who is singing so beautifully. her voice so powerful for how small she is. so beautiful. wow, this is amazing how is this happening? all eyes were on her when she sang into the microphone. unfortunately, not all were good.

she wore a yellow dress with short-sleeves that hung below her elbow. the material was light and flowing, it twirled when she spun. the dress had buttons down the front that started, at her perfect shaped breast, with a small color that laid flat. her tea-length (went to her ankles) dress in large print flowers made her look happy and likable. she wore brown wedge heels with a wrap around the ankle and they red stitching to match the flowers in her dress, hair, and her red lipstick.

she was a petite, small, fun-size girl at 5'2" 105 she had a happy pep to her step when i saw her walking. she looked like she was the sunshine. everywhere she went she made people smile. she was contagious. and everyone wanted her. her beauty wasn't just on the outside, but she shined within. she was kind and knew that love was in her heart so it didn't matter what was going on around her. she walked with no fear she knew her creator. her beauty, her charm, her smile, her friendliness, and the power in her voice made her be noticed especially by the wrong person.

the show was over and it was time for her to go. she began walking home like she always did. it was a full moon, the stars were out and she loves looking at the stars. a truck zooms by pulls over and stops just ahead in the direction she was walking. she walked over to the truck spoke and walked around and got into the truck. it was an old truck like from the 1920s, blue with rust or something on it. as they were driving everything went BLACK, i couldn't see anything. was it over?

i couldn't see anything. bam I FEEL A STAB IN MY CHEST again! oh my gosh, what was that? what am i feeling? another stab ouch. that hurts, how and what am i feeling? is it her? am i feeling the same thing she felt? what is going on? i hear a car door slam and then open again. i can see again. the hood was removed. i see water, like a lake, trees, lots of trees. it must be fall time there are leaves on the ground everywhere.

what am i seeing? what am i feeling? i started getting frightened. i had no idea i would see anything. he said i would maybe see the color purple maybe see a circle or square. but he said since its being my first time, i probably wouldn't experience anything. nothing about seeing a movie. or feeling and hearing what was happening. suddenly before i could have another thought, i felt my like i was being grabbed by my arm and thrown down then grabbed by my hair as if being drugged by my hair on top of my head. then i felt the pain in my sides and back. the sticks, i felt the sticks jabbing my back the rocks cutting my ass. was i being drugged? that's what it felt like! then the stabbing in my chest happened again and i jumped up and ran out of the room. IT WAS CREEPY AF AND I DIDN'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING. i started crying, i didn't understand. and i still don't!

that was worse than a dream, it happened while i was awake. very creepy. at least when it's a dream we shake it off as a bad dream. this stays with me. i did try it again at my own home and again at the same place to see if i would get the same experience. they were different every time!!!

Athena

I once dreamt that I was dating an attractive Asian man, and our relationship progressed to the point that we could understand each other's languages. However, he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend that was currently pregnant with his child. After the child was born, he confessed to me that he was still in love with her, but he loved me as well. Days later, I found out that he married his ex without granting me the decency of a proper break-up. Determined not to become depressed, I decided to do things to distract myself, such as helping Shuri pack for college. Unfortunately, my attempts at helping fell on deaf ears while she ignored me to focus on organizing her system. Heaving a sigh, I left her alone and went to do the dishes.