She didn’t breathe anymore, and so didn’t you

A dream that will need

All the love you can give

Everyday of your life

For as long as you live

Your voice breaks at the last word. You feel a lump in your throat, which seems to be stopping you from singing along. Your eyesight becomes blurry. You smile through the tears. You carry on with whatever is left of hope. Hope she'd get better. Hope she wouldn't notice your smiles becoming much more forced and much less frequent. You start to wonder whether you do it for her, or for you.

Something pulls you back to reality: a pair of small delicate hands pulling on your jumper. Don't do that, you hear her say. You nod and you stare. She was so beautiful. The song comes to its end. She seems tired. You climb on the bed and you lay next to her. She snuggles in and you kiss her forehead. A kiss-goodbye. Her eyelids flutter slowly shut as she displays a fainted smile across her features. Sleepy. Sloppy. Reckless. Stupid.

She was at peace, at last.

The lump in your throat climbs up and comes out, at first, as sobs. Of course, you try to keep them quiet, but you fail miserably at it. You don't let go, holding her tight, as if she had had a bad dream, only you were the one stuck in an endless nightmare. You lose track of time: it seemed to go by painfully slow and suddenly astoundingly fast. Her face disappears in the shadows as the sun begins to set.

The next thing you remember is being in a dark room, sitting on your bed, waking up and falling asleep. Day after day, week after week. Getting out of the bedroom reminded you of the things you tried so desperately not to remember. It sickened you to remember the smell of pancakes in the morning. It sickened you to remember how her laughter echoed through the house. It sickened you to remember the way her hands fit perfectly with yours. It sickened you to remember

she wasn't there anymore.