Unicorn Whores

My Facebook feed looks like the aftermath of an orgy in which the participants all went skinny-dipping in a giant pink river. Cupid, (of course) is the ring leader & host of this frightful frolicking, & I'll be damned if that fat bastard doesn't out-gross himself every year. Along with his usual cherub sluts, there are some trampy fairies, a shit-ton of teddy bears, a gang of stuffed monkeys, & 2 random unicorns. Yet another childish ideal is destroyed as I realize those unicorns aren't beautiful, majestic creatures who reveal themselves only to those who are worthy. Nope, I'm watching those unicorns get double & triple penetrated & LOVING it, & I realize with disgust that those two are actually just cock hungry whores. And those stuffed monkeys are laying down the dick with orangutan-like enthusiasm. Ugh.

Apparently, I'm the only one who notices the disturbing debauchery taking place right there on our screens. This leads me to the unsettling question - am I the only one who notices because everyone else is too busy? Or do other people shrug it off saying "oh, another orgy, whatever", because it's just normal & I'm the one making it a big deal by being all prudish & judgmental? All disquieting thoughts indeed.

I'm thinking there's a different reason. I think it's because I've become so jaded and fed up - not just Valentines Day, but with LOVE in general. (Bitter, party of one!)

Most people who feel as hateful as I do about the day are either gone from home & keeping busy (drunk), or they're hiding in the corner of their darkened bedroom wearing yesterday's underwear & a dab of crusty ketchup somewhere on their body. Eating their feelings, stuffing mouths with chips & cookies, binge-watching 'Murder, She Wrote" reruns. (Tomorrow, these folks will complain about their fatness over a giant plate of bacon.)

The rest of America must fall into that "other" category, the ones who believe in lasting love. The ones who promise "forever" & MEAN it. The ones constantly searching for their "soulmate", hopeful & earnest, people who believe that "good things are gonna happen!" Fools.

These people are everywhere, they could be your neighbors, coworkers, family, maybe even your boyfriend. Poor saps who are likable most of the year but at Valentines you greet them with an urge to vomit or throat punch them.

Either way is justified.

They can't see the depravity of Cupid's orgy because they're blinded by their silly dreams of "true love" and "together forever". They see cherubs and fairies, not these sluts getting drilled on the kitchen table. They look directly at the unicorns getting DP'd on the floor and still see majestic creatures. I shake my head, somewhat jealous I've lost my naïveté during the acquisition of my scars.

So I'll just continue to watch this ultra-disturbing freak show of cross-species fornication alone, since I can't turn away and no one else notices. You all enjoy your Valentines gifts, although, honestly - I'd be reluctant to eat that candy. Ugh.