My Facebook feed looks like the aftermath of an orgy in which the participants all went skinny-dipping in a giant pink river. Cupid, (of course) is the ring leader & host of this frightful frolicking, & I'll be damned if that fat bastard doesn't out-gross himself every year. Along with his usual cherub sluts, there are some trampy fairies, a shit-ton of teddy bears, a gang of stuffed monkeys, & 2 random unicorns. Yet another childish ideal is destroyed as I realize those unicorns aren't beautiful, majestic creatures who reveal themselves only to those who are worthy. Nope, I'm watching those unicorns get double & triple penetrated & LOVING it, & I realize with disgust that those two are actually just cock hungry whores. And those stuffed monkeys are laying down the dick with orangutan-like enthusiasm. Ugh.

Apparently, I'm the only one who notices the disturbing debauchery taking place right there on our screens. This leads me to the unsettling question - am I the only one who notices because everyone else is too busy? Or do other people shrug it off saying "oh, another orgy, whatever", because it's just normal & I'm the one making it a big deal by being all prudish & judgmental? All disquieting thoughts indeed.

I'm thinking there's a different reason. I think it's because I've become so jaded and fed up - not just Valentines Day, but with LOVE in general. (Bitter, party of one!)

Most people who feel as hateful as I do about the day are either gone from home & keeping busy (drunk), or they're hiding in the corner of their darkened bedroom wearing yesterday's underwear & a dab of crusty ketchup somewhere on their body. Eating their feelings, stuffing mouths with chips & cookies, binge-watching 'Murder, She Wrote" reruns. (Tomorrow, these folks will complain about their fatness over a giant plate of bacon.)

The rest of America must fall into that "other" category, the ones who believe in lasting love. The ones who promise "forever" & MEAN it. The ones constantly searching for their "soulmate", hopeful & earnest, people who believe that "good things are gonna happen!" Fools.

These people are everywhere, they could be your neighbors, coworkers, family, maybe even your boyfriend. Poor saps who are likable most of the year but at Valentines you greet them with an urge to vomit or throat punch them.

Either way is justified.

They can't see the depravity of Cupid's orgy because they're blinded by their silly dreams of "true love" and "together forever". They see cherubs and fairies, not these sluts getting drilled on the kitchen table. They look directly at the unicorns getting DP'd on the floor and still see majestic creatures. I shake my head, somewhat jealous I've lost my naïveté during the acquisition of my scars.

So I'll just continue to watch this ultra-disturbing freak show of cross-species fornication alone, since I can't turn away and no one else notices. You all enjoy your Valentines gifts, although, honestly - I'd be reluctant to eat that candy. Ugh.

With childlike sentiment, she wrapped his Valentine's Day gift in shiny red foil. Creased with perfect imperfections, she reminisced thoughtfully on their fervid history. 

Kindred spirits engulfed in passionate flames, their untamed love affair had removed them from the stagnant world. Their minds mimed Pig Latin while balancing the North Star. Their determined embrace caused the Earth's crust to split wide with exacerbated emotion. Burning with delight, their mutual climax thrusted them into seductive Hell's perilous core. Shared wit stood with them, disburdened with light hearts. And tantalized by danger, they kept Liberation nearby. 

She loved him for his weakness, and he loved her for her sickness. Love perfected in chaos, they were sacrificed by Desire. Tied to a stake, she begged him to ignite her. And his voracious appetite for her salty skin made him Mad. The slightest brush against his flesh made her wet, and the texture of her tongue made him hard. They were addicted to Their scent. If possible, she would have shot him into her veins and licked his crimson blood with delight. And he would have raped her until she tore--he would have crawled deep inside of her. Their love was unique, in a dangerously lascivious way. 

She made the final touches to her boxed token of affection and placed it on his doorstep while pressing his bell. Watching in anticipation, she hid around the corner, as he opened the heavy door. He appeared to kneel in prayer, and he brought the box to his lap. Carefully he untied the velvet bow. He glanced around with Mystery, the look of hope-returned in his eyes. She leaned closer with Deliberation, as he tipped open the lid. And when he opened the box, just as his face twisted in fearful distortion and Horror, she turned to walk away. 

When she heard the box drop, a humbled smile warmed her rosy face. And all that she thought about is how difficult it had been to find a box sturdy enough to not only hold his wife's heart, but to do so without leaking her blood. 

I hate Valentine’s Day!” he screamed in panic as he realized he had made a grievous error. The two flawless Valentine’s Day cards he had meticulously picked out and inscribed with the perfect messages had been accidentally switched and sent in the wrong envelopes. The obsequious one he had meant for his wife thanked her for being there for him and for giving him his children. The other destined for his hot girlfriend with the very long legs was steamy and full of lust. In her Valentine, he had hand written, “My beautiful Anastasia, I can’t wait for tomorrow night when I can kiss you all over and touch all your secret places.”

He raced to the mailbox, legs spinning like a windmill, and witnessed the mail person in her mail truck tearing out of the parking lot with her full load. He followed her, honking his horn like a braying donkey, but she didn’t pull over until she arrived at the post office. He wondered angrily if she was ignoring him. In his haste, he almost ran into the back of her truck as he slammed on his brakes.

“Please,” he begged, “I have to get two cards back before they get mailed. “

“I’d lose my job if I helped you,” she answered haughtily as she carried the knapsack into the post office. He thought about attacking her but didn’t think he could get away with it.

The next day, he desperately begged his boss to get an extra two hours off. “I’m sorry,” said his employer, “you know we have that big meeting today. I can’t spare you.” He now had confirmation that his boss was the bane of his existence.

That afternoon, he raced home hoping that he could arrive before his wife did

but, alas, was met at the door by a furious wife, screaming, “who in the hell is Anastasia?”

Now he is sitting forlornly in a small, poorly furnished apartment with a stack of bills he is unable to pay. He laments the monthly amount that is taken out of his paycheck for child support and also the two years alimony ordered so his ex-wife could retrain in a higher skill. (notwithstanding the fact that she has enough ability and cunning to take most of his money). To make matters even worse, his future pension is cut in half with her getting the other half. And as for Anastasia, she flew the coop. Why would she want to be involved with a man with no future? She had tromped on him and spit him out without fanfare.

Feeling abjectly sorry for himself, he pulled his hair out in chunks, howling, “I’ll never send another Valentine card again. Who came up with that idea anyway?”

All of a sudden, he clutched his chest in agony and yelled, “I’m having a heart attack!” He died thinking of the irony that hearts were his downfall, once again. But no one was there to hear him.

Rei (A.J.M.)

In school, I walk around,

getting looked at like a lonely clown

Thinking," why am I still in this damn town".

People pass by

Saying things like "single on v-day? Why?."

And that's just one more reason to cry.

On top of that,

I can't help but just feel fat

While my skeletal frame makes me look like a starved rat.

Home harbors hell,

My room is just a cell.

And I can't shake the feeling that I just fell.

In falling, I'm calling,

But the silence will never stop continuing.

Only the scream of loneliness will forever ring.

I will forever hate February.

For, a love to me it will never carry.

Unlock my cage, show me love, and set me free.

                                                No more Mr.Goodbar,

                                         You're a blow up pop of suck,

                                                    Frankly,Tootsie 

                                              I hope you roll off a cliff

                                   And I wouldn't save you for 100 grand.

                                 But before you break off another kit kat,

                                        Take a sour punch to the face.

You said you loved me,

Even gave me a ring.

Our anniversary weekend,

Valentines Day was our thing.

Suddenly you turned the tables,

Without explaining why.

Tore my heart into pieces,

All I could do was cry.

You left me bereft and shattered,

My soul completely broken.

I felt as if I were nothing,

Words to describe it can’t be spoken.

Now I’ve found my resolution,

You can never make it up to me.

Rivers of blood flow slowly,

Liquid evidence of my misery.

Soon I’ll be silent and invisible,

Like you never even knew me.

I’ll disappear like i was only ever

A fragment of your memory.

Fuck me.

Is what I would say if we were together

but,

Fuck you instead.

My Valentine is

Smart

Caring

Funny

and not you.

Because you are none of those things.

Pick up that rose

and tear the petals

he loves me

he loves me not

he loves me

he loves me not

he loves me not

he loves me not.

And know I do not.

The roses I gave you have long since withered

just like any emotion I had for you.

You are not my Valentine

not anymore

never again.

and truthfully

I'm glad

Happy Valentines day,

Your ex 

"he loves me".

Roses are red, violets are blue

You don't know how much I love you

You're the reason I get up in the morning

My day's bright even when it's pouring

You make the pain go away

You made me a love cliché

Then I heard about what you did

Then I heard you having a kid

It was Valentine's when I found the test

I nearly went into cardiac arrest

Staggered out your house, hopped in my car

60 in a 30, going so fast but I didn't get far

Woke up with a cast and a group of tubes

Even so, the doctor couldn't give me worse news

Because you're leaving me for him

After I literally gave you a limb

Bandages are red, bruises are blue

I'm through being in love with you

Fuck this heart of chocolate

The smell makes me vomit

This bundle of roses

A reminder of how you did me bogus

Makes me wish they'd give me higher doses

So I could slip into eternal psychosis

Because you've made reality a nightmare

I'm searching for that light's glare

That'll lead me to those pearly gates

I guess for you case, Hell awaits

All that wasted time, you owe me 14 months

Couldn't mask this pain with 14 blunts

It's funny. you made me believe love is true

But in turn, you made me believe it's bullshit, too

How does it go; roses are red, violets are blue?

Valentine's Day is a joke, but not one bigger than you

You're stuck with a deadbeat and his baby

It started as a good idea, but lately

You've been having doubts

A house filled with shouts

Lock yourself in the bathroom

To escape the wrath, gloom

That's when you pull out one of my love letters

And put on one of my big sweaters

Reminisce about the puppy romance

When we would have a lovely slow dance

At that moment you'll realize you've lost the best you'll ever have

You may have broken my heart, but of yours, I left with half

I want you to picture me with all the new girls

I hope it sends your stomach into a few whirls

I hope it pains you when it's Valentine's Day

God knows it's left me in a paralyzed state

Roses are red, violets are blue

I heard he left you, too

Good...

I hated today.

My heart is not broken

Just slightly numb

Ugh it's Valentines Day

I don't like greeting cards slathered in mush

I don't like heart shaped boxes or balloons

Happy Valentines Day?!

Fuck you.

Single awareness day?!

Just as depressing.

"Happy no one wants to fuck me but I'm pretending to be proud and confident in my singleness day!"

Bitter.

"Do you have date?"

Yeah my neighbors 3 month old daughter

"Dinner plans?"

Chicken nuggets and apple juice.

Yay.

12:00am

Valentines Day is over

Love fest is done

Hey!

75% off all that chocolate

We were on the right path... Or so I thought, this time. In our twenty years together, we have had many different incarnations. We've tried many things and have taken many forms. Friends, lovers, parents, swingers, and even bitter resentful roommates. We've been business partners for years too.

Through our work I became close with another man, intimate. I fell in love with him. It was very hard to admit that to you.

There was, however, nothing more surprising than you being okay with that. You did not retreat. You opened your heart. I had your blessing so long as I kept us first and was always honest with you. You wanted to be priority. So started some very deep and serious loving conversations between us, about us. We started healing. We were in a place we had not been in many years.

Delving into polyamory reignited a passion in us. It has been a wonderful couple months, for the most part.

Here it is Valentine's Day. Today is the day you slip back into your old ways of ignoring me and taking me for granted. I have not so much as received a verbal, "Happy Valentine's Day, Baby". I gave you a small token, coffee mug, and a card. You threw the card up on your dresser without reading it. I know it wasn't anything over-the-top romantic but it still tops Nothing!

I've experienced Heaven. I've lived in Hell. I refuse to go back there.

So choose your next steps carefully, My Unfunny Valentine.