Uh a rant ig

Okay so first, I tried helping this kid that’s going to kill himself, then I forwarded his messages to a good friend of mine to get help, then like this counselor, & my parents got involved, & they thought it was my suicide letter so I got my ass in deep doodoo. Then that night, I tried to yk, end it all pull the last string kind of thing, then my sister saved me... It was fuckin crazy man bc all my life, I thought she hated me but she loves me & god, I’m happy she saved me. That’s why I left that site I was on, it was toxic shit bringin me down, so I cut it all out, even the good ones that didn’t deserve it... an I feel sorry for that but I couldn’t keep goin on there, I had to stop, I loved all of them like so so so so so so much but it wasn’t good for me. Then... I met someone on that site, and I saved him from killing himself that night & we became rlly close an did some rlly stupid an crazy shit lmaoo. But just yesterday, he asks me what we were and I said, i didn’t know bc god we got into it & now it was complicated. Then he said just friends. That hurt a bit bc everyone always tells me that. My ex & I, he would always want me to do things that would take our relationship to the next step, but as soon as I did it, he would chicken out & say just friends okay? You have no idea how much I’ve been thru that shit an it hurts more an more each time, you’d think I learn, but nah lol. Plus, since he told me just friends, he been ignoring me. Then, yesterday, I told him that I uh I think I’m bi. I say think because I’m not 100 percent sure you know?? I’m curious about it but I have the underlying aspects of it... I’ve been questioning it for a while but It’s getting clearer and clearer and I don’t know why but whenever I feel like I’m getting closer or clearer, I kinda get scared, as if I’m not allowed to be like that, or It’s just a stupid phase, like i’ll get over it. I don’t know why but I’m curious about it... I turned 18 two days ago an since I left that site, I’m doing loads better, I’m seeing things clearer now.