Deep thoughts.

Whenever i think of something to write i always end up comparing myself to the waves, shore, sand, ocean or whatever that has anything to do with water..

Most times i imagine myself floating, no destination just roaming around water doing nothing like a corpse waiting for someone to find me, save me..

Sometimes i feel myself sinking and feeling all the water choking me.. Filling in my lungs that slowly takes away the oxygen.. And it scares me...

Funny thing is, i hate water as much as i love it.. I love staring at it.. But never again went into it.. I love the feel of the waves splash onto my skin.. And how my feet gets buried under the sand...

I feel like torturing myself for still going there because of my reasons.. It took you away from me yet connects you to me.. And i so badly wanted to let go.. Give myself a chance to live again.. and not holding on to the guilt.. Every fucking night i cry myself to sleep because forgetting you was never an option.. But... I don't I deserve to be happy?