just once more

You come away with a great little story

of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you.

Every single time you knock at my door, I must let you in.

Listen to your apologies, soak in your depravities,

and my heart is stitched back together.

By now, every time you break me,

my happy ending shatters before me,

and I need to remind myself, like a mantra to hold it together,

'I'm not a princess, this isn't a fairtytale',

and hearts in this normal life are bound to break.

Every day is a new obstacle in a treacherous path to keep your love,

flickering and alive, just a little bit longer.

You're never impressed by me acing your tests, and I know,

you're not someone I can study, since your moodswings are hard to predict.

But still, I try.

And my mind takes me back to where it all started,

seeing flashbacks reflected on the window near my bed.

Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,

and I can picture it after all these days.

The reckless laguhter coming from downstairs,

our lazy Sundays and forgotten blue Mondays.

I remember your sly smirk when I say a joke you don't find funny,

your voice out of tune when you're singing in the shower,

the misfit you called yourself when you met my parents,

and the slow-burning candles the night we danced for the first time.

I simply cannot delete those moments from my mind.

But there come your demons again,

the ex-lovers dressed in faux and leather,

the same enchanting old rancor,

and you're bound to blow me over.

An empire you don't wish to conquer.

When the dust settles and I'm alone at that goddamned park,

I realize people like you always want back the love they gave away

and people like me want to believe you when you say you've changed.

But forgiving over and over does more damage than it does good,

for I can see my heart slowly chafing on your hand.

But then we're back, you apologize and I simply forgive,

and I see you at night, wonder when you sleep,

are you ever dreaming of me?

Of all the ways you can build my world just to tear it apart,

blaming me for the ways you screwed up in the past?

But maybe, maybe I ought to give you the benefit of the doubt,

and say that your heart is just a bit more stubborn to be loved than most.

Maybe all of the others weren't wise enough to stay.

So you yell and I break, I jump from the train, I ride off alone,

back to my house that without you isn't a home.

And perhaps all our battleships will sink beneath the waves.

Maybe you had to kill me to make yourself feel something,

never knowing it killed you just the same.

But I'll never wish I stayed because I'll never leave.

I always come back.

So, that's the way it goes,

you get pebbles in exchange of gold sometimes.

And no one in this story would dare to believe

a coward like me would venture to seek love in someone else's arms.

Not even I think of myself as capable.

But what would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins?

If I gain the weight of you just to lose it, time and time again?

You might get off the thrill of this crooked thing you call love,

but for me, it could never begin to amount to enough.

And I want to run, but I'll just give in once more.

***

THIS CHALLENGE WAS AMAZING TF.

thats it for now

-mel