The unhappiest birthday
Authors Note: Hey guys! I wrote this on a different website in 2016 as a joke. Would you like to see more? lemme know!
Kitchen Kerfuffle
"That blasted cat. That insensitive FELINE! I ought to carve him a new pair of eyes!"
With his mossy green tail flicking like an agitated flame Chester grew in indignation.
It wasn't his day today.
Or any other day for that matter.
"I cannot BELIEVE him!
He's not the Queen! I'll grant him the same level of popularity that but why does he vex me? How could I have asked for this?"
Trembling and ruffled Chester began the long hard task of cleaning up the spilt baking catastrophe.
His emerald eyes crackled angrily.
"One day! That's all I wish! I need not carry the same importance as he! Why I could return to the Not So Deep forests and renew my crochet! Oh how I wish I was yarning!"
He knew it was futile. Just like when they were kittens.
There was no hope of him moving up from the designated wall flower.
Even if the wall flowers were a nice bunch. He never understood the downplay of a wallflower in the Not Wonderland.
"Humans are quite an odd bunch!"
He grew to love the Wallflowers of Wonder Castle. They never ceased to compliment his artwork or his steady paws at yarning.
"You make a fine scarf Ches! Finest I've seen in a long time."
They offered hope that someday his second serving status might be illuminated and sometimes that's all a cat can ask for.
Now after the Red Queen was defeated in the Battle of the Cards, Alice (having been made out to be queen in the prophesy) felt it right to accept her reign as the new Red Queen.
Except the title was not to her liking.
"I would much prefer simply Alice or Highness. No Red or Queen. I find those words nauseating to say the least."
With her on the throne his cousin was made court advisor and no one found that disagreeable. His famous rows with the pumpkin farmer and his ever popular schemes of mischief secured his cousin and forever made him a favourite amongst the Wonderland subjects.
"I'm not THAT morose in character! I can sew and create beautiful scarves better than any cat in my litter!"
He knew muttering wasn't going to add any sage wisdom to his circumstance. By default, he was second best. Second cat. Second talent. Second servings. Chester hissed at the sight of a sugar pile.
"That'll be sticky for a FORTNIGHT! OH HOW HE CURLS MY WHISKERS!"
More colourful mutterings were released, that of which weren't so mild in potency. I won't mention them here but they were rather brash indeed.
Now Chester wasn't an angry cat by any means.
Indeed he was a jolly green kitty that enjoyed long talks by the fireplace and even longer naps in the washing basket (mainly when fresh out of the dryer)
As of late he was perplexed by his cousins antics.
"If he would spend more time attending to the court instead of attempting to bake half cocked excuses then I wouldn't have to deal with his RESULTS."
I don't think anyone could blame his agitation.
Being as I am an understanding writer I most certainly cannot.
In fact I find his case sadly common amongst family dynamics.
Yes cats too have the "special one" the one that is raised above the others. Its just in the cards of all families.
"I will say though" Chester hissed
"I'm not finding as many paw prints in the flour dust puddles. That must mean that he is learning to avoid drawing any UNNEEDED attention that would lead to his being accountable. Much satisfaction that gives me."
Chester never remembered a time he wasn't cleaning up after his cousin. It usually came about to
"Oh Chester my good sir! Could you please...."
And there it always was. Seemingly innocent in tone but always, ALWAYS there was a fiendish scheme being weaved underneath. A hidden favour masked by false flattery and feigned weariness. And somehow he always fell for it.
"I never once question his High and Mightiness. Why must I be so trusting? So slow to respond? Its like I'm simply too silly to know my own mind!"
With two rags wrapped around his front paws he swiped and dunked the soiled cloths into two partnered buckets of soap water; balancing carefully with his tail and back paws.
A disgruntled meow escaped his mouth as he dragged his dead weight "mops" back out of the buckets to begin anew.
"I long for a sun kissed window right about now! I must meet with Raven and see if I can't get my damnable cousin straightened out!"
Happy at his resolution Chester finished up his task and flew off in search of his operatic friend Raven.
~
In which Chester finds a friend
Chester whisked past the castle halls hurriedly knocking over a few maids in boring white and black attire.
"I do wish they kept the old uniforms!" Chester sighed
"They were so much more.....cumbersome. Caused quite a delight amongst those in audience. I guess certain things MUST change."
The old uniforms were disgracefully uncomfortable, much to the delight of the Queen's Court. Most nobles would purposely drop a glass or spill punch just to watch the hired help lumber in like drunk penguins failing to keep face in their discomfort. Tight red leather carved with hearts donned their chests like breast plates and hats largely red and heart shaped weighed heavily upon their heads. It was quite a ridiculous spectacle.
"I wouldn't wish my enemy in one of those uniforms but I must confess many an hour have I spent cackling at the outrageous cleaning attempts. I'd almost claim them to be in tandum with my cleaning skills."
But he knew that to be a falsehood. He had gotten quite good at washing and dusting and would brag that he was the greater housekeeper of any two maids.
In all of Wonderland he only knew two spots he loved to stay and think in (as well as Crochet of course) one was the Not So Deep forest and the other was Ravens house up in third tower of WonderCastle.
The buttresses were stunning and the gargoyles were merry, donning a soft pink hue. They spoke of kindness and prosperity not of blood lust for heads. With pointed ears and rose petal eyes they surveyed the world beyond the castle, ensuring its safety.
Having just come out of a castle window Chester deeply sighed in the afternoon air.
"This I see is very much worth the trouble of the early morning mayhem."
Smiling toothily he tipped his tail (his guidance tool much like that of a snow leopard) slightly to the left and swam towards Ravens perch.
And there he sat.
Or sang I should say.
With each bellow the surrounding birds screeched and fled to the nearest safe haven tree, praying it was soundproof.