I don't want to be lonely

I don't want to have this heartache at night

Not while I'm surrounded by people who care

Or when I have people in arms reach

To tell me I'm not alone

I don't know where it comes from

I can't shake it

It's so present

Like a wound that's hidden underneath my Tshirt

A tattoo disguised by business casual

I don't wanna be here

But it makes no sense to leave

So why do I feel lonely?

Why do I ache. And where do I fit it?

I don't want it. The more I hide it the worse it becomes

How much longer will I say I'm better before I break

How many nights will I lay awake tired before I realize it's not just me

It's you

My loneliness

How I want to help

But I feel useless

I don't have a soul to give you

Someone to comfort you at night

Just me bud

I'm sorry, I'm tryingI'm sorry, I'm trying

i mull and i sit

bathed in the snow

bland to the touch

taste "isn't so"

an interest fleeting

a glance in promise

that i am unwell

balled up and tarnished

shattered and prickle

wrinkled and torn

blood starts to trickle

screams of the born

an empty most foul

a child endured

an end to a towel

waiting is cured

what once was is not

and now i am clean

from light i am caught

through dark i succeed

wherever i was

to where i am now

what life is to dust

what i am to thou

not seated at parties

nor welcomed in pews

wont play with the barbies

or stay in the stools

a hole in the carpet

a bed that was shared

who was i to stop it

who were you to care

#poetry #empty

my insides are disturbed

the warble of the quiver

in passing i am mute

within i am a shiver

unfurled i am a block

a writers own remorse

a drug to help me pass

the beating of a horse

ghost or am i muted

the grey is fuzzed and wide

its bruises leak that ocean green

just hiding whats inside

darkness eats the boat

the water was a friend

but now it seems to run amok

its arms part wide to end

escape? a laugh, im gone

no evil leaves a trace

and as im bloated lying there

expectation takes its place

a body on the shore

my teeth did not survive

you had hoped for so much yet you find

i never was alive

#poetry

I dreamed about lady bugs, I dreamed about meadows, I dreamed about a tiny town, shadowed by the petals

I dreamed about being home, I dreamed I was alive, I dreamed about a nice warm meal, with coffee on the side

I dreamed about my leaving, I didn't want to go, but when the ringing hit my ears, I knew I'd wake alone

My dreaming makes me mad sometimes, I wish they wouldn't tease, to make me think I'm where I'm meant, instead I'm ingesting unease

#poetry #sadness #growingup #life

I don't feel holy when you hold me

happy when I'm choked

cared for when you see me

or heard when last I spoke

I don't feel needed when you want me satisfied or thrilled

gorged on when I gown up

this broken cup was filled

you do not bring me pleasure

the satisfied

the rain

you only being me expectation

emptiness and pain

if that's not in your planner

the calendar unwed

then I will find another one

to lie to next in bed

you seek one that has never been

a wedding left in tears

the bridegroom left to search me out

to footprints disappeared

you never brought me peace of mind

that I was all you needed

if by being wooed I left in shambles

then in sinking I succeeded

#comphet #poetry #sadness #hope

Authors Note: Hey guys! I wrote this on a different website in 2016 as a joke. Would you like to see more? lemme know!

Kitchen Kerfuffle

"That blasted cat. That insensitive FELINE! I ought to carve him a new pair of eyes!"

With his mossy green tail flicking like an agitated flame Chester grew in indignation.

It wasn't his day today.

Or any other day for that matter.

"I cannot BELIEVE him!

He's not the Queen! I'll grant him the same level of popularity that but why does he vex me? How could I have asked for this?"

Trembling and ruffled Chester began the long hard task of cleaning up the spilt baking catastrophe.

His emerald eyes crackled angrily.

"One day! That's all I wish! I need not carry the same importance as he! Why I could return to the Not So Deep forests and renew my crochet! Oh how I wish I was yarning!"

He knew it was futile. Just like when they were kittens.

There was no hope of him moving up from the designated wall flower.

Even if the wall flowers were a nice bunch. He never understood the downplay of a wallflower in the Not Wonderland.

"Humans are quite an odd bunch!"

He grew to love the Wallflowers of Wonder Castle. They never ceased to compliment his artwork or his steady paws at yarning.

"You make a fine scarf Ches! Finest I've seen in a long time."

They offered hope that someday his second serving status might be illuminated and sometimes that's all a cat can ask for.

Now after the Red Queen was defeated in the Battle of the Cards, Alice (having been made out to be queen in the prophesy) felt it right to accept her reign as the new Red Queen.

Except the title was not to her liking.

"I would much prefer simply Alice or Highness. No Red or Queen. I find those words nauseating to say the least."

With her on the throne his cousin was made court advisor and no one found that disagreeable. His famous rows with the pumpkin farmer and his ever popular schemes of mischief secured his cousin and forever made him a favourite amongst the Wonderland subjects.

"I'm not THAT morose in character! I can sew and create beautiful scarves better than any cat in my litter!"

He knew muttering wasn't going to add any sage wisdom to his circumstance. By default, he was second best. Second cat. Second talent. Second servings. Chester hissed at the sight of a sugar pile.

"That'll be sticky for a FORTNIGHT! OH HOW HE CURLS MY WHISKERS!"

More colourful mutterings were released, that of which weren't so mild in potency. I won't mention them here but they were rather brash indeed.

Now Chester wasn't an angry cat by any means.

Indeed he was a jolly green kitty that enjoyed long talks by the fireplace and even longer naps in the washing basket (mainly when fresh out of the dryer)

As of late he was perplexed by his cousins antics.

"If he would spend more time attending to the court instead of attempting to bake half cocked excuses then I wouldn't have to deal with his RESULTS."

I don't think anyone could blame his agitation.

Being as I am an understanding writer I most certainly cannot.

In fact I find his case sadly common amongst family dynamics.

Yes cats too have the "special one" the one that is raised above the others. Its just in the cards of all families.

"I will say though" Chester hissed

"I'm not finding as many paw prints in the flour dust puddles. That must mean that he is learning to avoid drawing any UNNEEDED attention that would lead to his being accountable. Much satisfaction that gives me."

Chester never remembered a time he wasn't cleaning up after his cousin. It usually came about to

"Oh Chester my good sir! Could you please...."

And there it always was. Seemingly innocent in tone but always, ALWAYS there was a fiendish scheme being weaved underneath. A hidden favour masked by false flattery and feigned weariness. And somehow he always fell for it.

"I never once question his High and Mightiness. Why must I be so trusting? So slow to respond? Its like I'm simply too silly to know my own mind!"

With two rags wrapped around his front paws he swiped and dunked the soiled cloths into two partnered buckets of soap water; balancing carefully with his tail and back paws.

A disgruntled meow escaped his mouth as he dragged his dead weight "mops" back out of the buckets to begin anew.

"I long for a sun kissed window right about now! I must meet with Raven and see if I can't get my damnable cousin straightened out!"

Happy at his resolution Chester finished up his task and flew off in search of his operatic friend Raven.

~

In which Chester finds a friend

Chester whisked past the castle halls hurriedly knocking over a few maids in boring white and black attire.

"I do wish they kept the old uniforms!" Chester sighed

"They were so much more.....cumbersome. Caused quite a delight amongst those in audience. I guess certain things MUST change."

The old uniforms were disgracefully uncomfortable, much to the delight of the Queen's Court. Most nobles would purposely drop a glass or spill punch just to watch the hired help lumber in like drunk penguins failing to keep face in their discomfort. Tight red leather carved with hearts donned their chests like breast plates and hats largely red and heart shaped weighed heavily upon their heads. It was quite a ridiculous spectacle.

"I wouldn't wish my enemy in one of those uniforms but I must confess many an hour have I spent cackling at the outrageous cleaning attempts. I'd almost claim them to be in tandum with my cleaning skills."

But he knew that to be a falsehood. He had gotten quite good at washing and dusting and would brag that he was the greater housekeeper of any two maids.

In all of Wonderland he only knew two spots he loved to stay and think in (as well as Crochet of course) one was the Not So Deep forest and the other was Ravens house up in third tower of WonderCastle.

The buttresses were stunning and the gargoyles were merry, donning a soft pink hue. They spoke of kindness and prosperity not of blood lust for heads. With pointed ears and rose petal eyes they surveyed the world beyond the castle, ensuring its safety.

Having just come out of a castle window Chester deeply sighed in the afternoon air.

"This I see is very much worth the trouble of the early morning mayhem."

Smiling toothily he tipped his tail (his guidance tool much like that of a snow leopard) slightly to the left and swam towards Ravens perch.

And there he sat.

Or sang I should say.

With each bellow the surrounding birds screeched and fled to the nearest safe haven tree, praying it was soundproof.

#aliceinwonderland #fiction #shortstory

I woke up smelling past tense air

oh I remember when and where

but to say that I could recall there

my memory would not be fair

If all the school books had a cow

the pencils chickens I don't know how erasers goats and sheep and plow

I surely wouldn't know their ware

For certain time has taken hold

a lost bet winning this pot of gold

my eye sight waning my hands grown cold growing up and growing old

I'd climb up to my highest loft

an attic waiting cold to hot

I'd place my bets and call the shot

but it's long gone or so I'm told

A ghastly being letting on

that tales of knighthood

maidens song

that dragons beaten

the grass long gone

was not a sketch the mind had drawn?

In shattered window and crooked door was that not magic disguised as bore?

the blood red seam that jesus swore

was proof that he would with dawn would return?

but walking to a berry bush

a midday movie "Please just hush!"

that dinner made with love is mush

is eaten greatly with a rush

I cannot place a finger on it

the smell of freshly dried blue bonnet

or the sound of an ended sonnet

life wakes me to blush

#poetry #growingup #blush

I've tumbled down the hill again, I didn't see the stone, I walked so joyful head held high, but earth sought me to own

My hands remembered touching air, the soil kept me planted there, I wish I could be worst for wear, but buried is the hope unsewn

#unfinished #downagain #poetry #buried

fallen from the stars

dripping grey and black

purple blue and violet hue

"why did I come back."

I glistened with the sunshine

that draped success on earth

I flew away with dragons dear

I sought and found rebirth

why did I return to this

as beauty has been lost

this planet reeks of selfish deeds

no longer green in cost

a coin to regain self respect

as paper buys the wagon

I thought you got my message love

seems talkings lost to famine

we starve for riches richest form

that changes with the day

I couldn't even tell you that

you've seemed to have lost your way

I counted all the dots and strings

they make up who I am

the constellations constant warmth

have gone out with the lamb

winged thing of starlight

dripping on the lawn

angel, no just passing though

I wouldn't stay here long

#longing #lonely #farfromhome #poetry

I heard a frog outside again

the ribbits lasted till the dawn

his croaking needing wanting love

the hopping stilled upon the lawn

he asked again for lady love

the night air heard though naught reply

so he just kept on singing there

when silence came, not her, to lie

I wish him well my little friend

I too someday in love with song

will draw upon a heart that's fair

I hope you find her little one

#poetry #frog #love #longing