I Don’t Want To Shower Today
Days go by
I can’t accomplish anything
Start things
I cannot finish them
My head hurts
I’m Overwhelmed
There’s Hate forming In my Amnesiatic head
Days
Nights
It’s all the same
2020
2021
I don’t want to sleep
I can’t wake up
back to sleep
i fade away
This is dangerous
Sitting here
waiting to feel
The Something to do wants nothing from me
Stuck in my head
People resemble now my memories
Your face haunts me
Your voice is only in my mind
I think, I’m not sure
Try so hard not to tell you
You won’t see it the same way
You say I need to let go
but in info red
What’s my name again
I can’t remember yours
Suddenly You are my nemesis
I did this and
I did that
I always do
It’s all my fault,
I’m the rightfully blamed
I scream
I didn’t do anything
This isn’t my want
None of this is fair
I can’t remember any of these things you say
I don’t want to hear what is only true for you
Picture after picture
I’m so sorry
Shocking truth
Suddenly I’m a somebody I used to be
A sometimes even somewhat adored me
Only This time I’m right in front of you
I am still me
I am not the same me
You don’t see
You see another me
I’m confused
Your irritated
I panic
Your hurt
I’m not your okay
Your angry
I hurt
Your fine
you say I’m crazy
I manipulate You say
I say other things
In Another way
You were my okay
I beg but
I don’t remember now
I look to you
I don’t see you
what is it you wanted
Why is this so angry
I don’t know the me you say I am
You don’t see me
You see another me
I wouldn’t want you this way anyway
You scare me
I am scared
I need my daughter
She slams the door on me
Push it all away
I’m ok with my mother
She forgets I’m in pain
I’m sitting here alone
unstable
in my head, alone
you weren’t here
You aren’t here
There’s Too many fathers
time starts fading
Reality forgot me
fight my body
stuck in my mind
Yes, I mind
Everyone leaves
shhhh
they see you through
They are see through
I mind more than you...
They know something too
all alone
You still don’t care
There is no they. they dont answer
They aren’t they
I yell
You don’t exist to me anyway
Fight myself
I’m in my way
Still just alone I exist today
I Fall so deep inside of me
The other me
It’s too damn Crowded in my room...
Dissociated reality.
I cry I cry I cry I cry I nod
I’m crying I cry I nod
I want to stop my eyes from seeing
Pain inside
Go back to sleep
crying
wake up
New day
What is shame
Who cares
Drugs don’t work
today I don’t complain
Light eclipses off and on
Hurry moon
I panic
These words are not mine
This voice isn’t mine
Music isn’t heard
Someone sings
My head is so loud
Wait
Screaming pauses
Ringing pauses
Stop tugging on me
What are you
Panic
Wait....
Here I am at last
Yes, but
Nope ..?
Make it last
Have
Lose
Myself
Who’s left now?
Forgiven
Wait
Blink
Blink
Stretch
get up
Yawn
Pain
Stretch again
Forget everything...knowingly
it was all in my head again
I’m in my head again
I don’t want to shower today again.