Slumbering Salad Staple

"Hey there Salinas. I’m your your favorite cranky Anchorman Pickle-O-Pete in the chair to my right as always Ms. Que."

"Ugh??? Damn back to you POP"

"Thanks again Ms. Que. Now if you’ll let me. I’d like to "wax" poetic about our youth in the crop report. Look at those once sweet little things. Thin and thick skinned brothers will to soon duke it out in the ring. Though sprouted from seeds of other mothers. They found each other as fast friends growing up in the fields. Innocent and unaware of the divisive division prevalent amongst the rows of well hydrated slumbering cucumbers.

Resisting the calls of dawn to awaken. Still bathed in moisture left behind by the fog that rolls in off the ocean every night. Soon they’ll be fighting over the shade each leaf may offer you. Forming into gangs of like kind for the security they provide. Offering up cucumber knuckle sandwiches to any strangers. Especially the few English cucumbers walking by. Who’s numbers are growing I should add.

Use to be you only one fresh cucumber option in the produce market. Now we got these thin skinned Brits in individual packaging their so uptight. As well as the majority shareholders of cucumber real estate on the shelves PICKLES. The nearly immortal preserved cucumbers in jars ranging from giant to minuscule. Prepared in every fashion found fitting under the sun.

The first among them we’ll give our attention to tonight would stand out as real bastards if not for the company they keep. Kosher dills. These are the kind I’ll focus on today. The early onset curmudgeon blowhards of the bunch. Full of piss and vinegar? Sugar! If your in a shouting match with one of theses cucumbers. You’ve found yourself in a pickle.

And there are more than a few different kinds just waiting to blow their lids and be left ajar. To air out their grievances. Or just endlessly proclaim their own superiority.

There’s Gherkins, Bread & Butter, Sweet, Spicy, and Peter, Paul & Mary pickles. Let’s not forget Dill’s, Kosher’s, Hungarians, and half sours. All that and more after these messages from...."

"White Vinegar. The Bite vinegar for the job"