My real life cat loves demolishing cucumbers so, I think this is the cucumbers perspective-Ah...its nice and cool in the fridge, as long as no one eats me or takes me out of the fridge I'm safe. Oh no, the fridge is opening...I'm being captured! Wait, the human left me on the counter, wait a cat is approaching me. Ow, I'm getting scratched and I fell of the counter, my skin is getting bitten and then I saw the light, of the cat glaring at me. I am still alive, but then I got thrown away.

"Hey there Salinas. I’m your your favorite cranky Anchorman Pickle-O-Pete in the chair to my right as always Ms. Que."

"Ugh??? Damn back to you POP"

"Thanks again Ms. Que. Now if you’ll let me. I’d like to "wax" poetic about our youth in the crop report. Look at those once sweet little things. Thin and thick skinned brothers will to soon duke it out in the ring. Though sprouted from seeds of other mothers. They found each other as fast friends growing up in the fields. Innocent and unaware of the divisive division prevalent amongst the rows of well hydrated slumbering cucumbers.

Resisting the calls of dawn to awaken. Still bathed in moisture left behind by the fog that rolls in off the ocean every night. Soon they’ll be fighting over the shade each leaf may offer you. Forming into gangs of like kind for the security they provide. Offering up cucumber knuckle sandwiches to any strangers. Especially the few English cucumbers walking by. Who’s numbers are growing I should add.

Use to be you only one fresh cucumber option in the produce market. Now we got these thin skinned Brits in individual packaging their so uptight. As well as the majority shareholders of cucumber real estate on the shelves PICKLES. The nearly immortal preserved cucumbers in jars ranging from giant to minuscule. Prepared in every fashion found fitting under the sun.

The first among them we’ll give our attention to tonight would stand out as real bastards if not for the company they keep. Kosher dills. These are the kind I’ll focus on today. The early onset curmudgeon blowhards of the bunch. Full of piss and vinegar? Sugar! If your in a shouting match with one of theses cucumbers. You’ve found yourself in a pickle.

And there are more than a few different kinds just waiting to blow their lids and be left ajar. To air out their grievances. Or just endlessly proclaim their own superiority.

There’s Gherkins, Bread & Butter, Sweet, Spicy, and Peter, Paul & Mary pickles. Let’s not forget Dill’s, Kosher’s, Hungarians, and half sours. All that and more after these messages from...."

"White Vinegar. The Bite vinegar for the job"

I remember my start in life-

Surrounded by soil- soaking it up

I try to get every ounce of nurtrients I can

I start to grow- it feels so good-

Sprouting out, I come up out of the ground

I love sun bathing

I soak up the sun and wait for it to rain

I sure do love a shower

As I grow and grow

I become much longer

I become more wide as well

I feel so beautiful- long, green, and mouth watering-

I am ready for someone to grab me up and pick me

and if I am lucky, they will grab me up and pickle me :)