Hunting shadow

there is this distinct thought that lingers in my mind, one that came at one distant time and decided to dwell  it is the certain believe of NOT BEING ENOUGH, and as lame as those words may sound to its reader nothing can be more hunting than the thought of being less than acceptable

The special thing with this concept is it is multi-optional , it can be used on any thing 

Do not sing your voice is too high too loud it is  out of tune, listen to that one wow what a wonderful voice why couldn't you sing that way

Do not dance damn you look like a wooden doll your body is not made for beautiful gestures watch how that person just moves like it is how he lives wow what beauty too bad you can't do it 

Do not write your words are too lame you are a disgrace for pretending to be a writer you can not call yourself taht you are a poser

Do not do not do not

now compare yourself to every one else and notice the perks they have and the flows you have

why can't you be like that her or him or they whoever it is but you

This illness as some may call is pure torture 

it takes the laugh out of the best moments of your life 

it saddens you when in the happiest 

leaves only regret and self loathe 

i wish to know that someone made it through this one

and wish for nobody else to go through it

because now all my memories are just stained with the side effects of regret 

I do not know if you understood its notion but imagine a sound telling you whenever you smile to hide your teeth whenever you dance to sit down and whenever you live to stop

a hidden murmur of an unknown monster that is scarier than all the villains of my childhood stories 

a one that you can never face as long as it stays behind you

and whenever you try you turn around you find yourself facing all the mistakes and the blown out chances of finding contentment

I do not know the name of this merciless monster but i know he is the reason i repulse myself  and feel like a downer everywhere 

I want to be out there but he keeps dragging me to isolation and i am so desperate to run away but he clings so hard that now he is just a part of me 

I am sorry for whoever had the bad luck to cross my path if i ever put you down forgive me i just helplessly try to get better