-Your Happy Friend

I hide from my mind. I fear it.

My emotions live there. I can't seem to face them.

I laugh them off, hiding them with superficial humor.

I hate how my mind won't let the pain go, how it remembers every detail of sorrow and hurt I have been through. I hate how the laughter comes out of me, like a habit I cannot rid myself of. From the outside, their words seem to bounce off of me, but they absorb, they cut deep. They pierce me from the inside and spread their vile poison through my brain.

I push the words into a space specially reserved for them, resolving to deal with them later.

Apparently, past versions of me had the same idea, as the space was long past overflowing.

As the words ooze out of their container, I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. It's uncontrollable, and that is why I fear my mind. It has full control of me, yet I have full control of it. I and my thoughts are stuck in an eternal standstill, neither of us destined to win. I walk over to the mirror and look at it. I smile widely.

Normally it works, sometimes it doesn't.

But a sure preventative is simply to hide from my mind.

Without the memories, I can't prove they exist.

And that is exactly what I want.

Isn't it?