She Deserved Better

I imagine a world for my daughter that never existed.

I fantasize about a childhood for her that didn't have pain, at such a young age.

A world where her father had been a better man.

In my mind, I erase the days he took her to his mistress when she was five, convincing her to lie, and I pretend, instead, he took her to the park and pushed her on the swings. The nights when he was out drinking and running in the streets, never happened because he was at home with her, helping to pick out her pajamas and her favorite stuffed animal, and reading her stories until she fell asleep in his arms, feeling safe and loved.

The times when he taught her love comes with a price, become erased and replaced with a loving father teaching her that his love is unconditional, that she is beautiful, and valued, and enough just by being who she is.

I replace his cold, harsh words with warmth, his womanizing ways with empowerment, his lies with truth.

The hidden bottles, the smell of liquor on his breath, the seething hatred and contempt,

vanish as quickly as his memory after a long night at the bar.

I fantasize he chooses to prioritize her, over everything else,

days when she would sit and wait to see his car arrive outside end with him arriving on time, sober and of sound-mind. Excuses and blame become lessons in accountability, responsibility, and growth.

He calls her and asks about her day,

He shows up at her games,

He takes care of her if she is sick,

He protects her from harm against all else.

I see what he could have been, what she deserved. If only I had one wish upon a star, I'd rewrite the story to fill in the broken pieces of her heart.