Day 1

Day 464. 9:00 am. I open my eyes and think to myself, "something is wrong."

I pull the covers off, go into the bathroom, and sleepily look into the mirror.

"Why do I feel like this?" I ask myself aloud.

Nothing has changed, yesterday was exactly like the 462 before it; so why would today be any different. One year, three months, and five days since I got my diagnosis. Chronic pain, spending every evening wishing I had more of an exciting life and every morning dreading the thought of having to do basic life.

Now my thoughts are in a whirl, "That's it! It's all gone! The dread and the pain. I feel NO pain! How? Why?"

Simultaneously, I ask these questions and have the answer in my mind, "You've become omnipotent.

I sit; right there on the bathroom floor. Suddenly I'm dressed. Just as my belly starts to rumble its stops with the contentment of being full. My hair is brushed, and my breath is fresh. The things I've dreaded doing for the last year are just happening. Yesterday I wished I could just magically be dressed without having to move. Yesterday I wished I was just full, without having to eat. Today, before I can even complete a thought, it's done.

As many thoughts run through my head, just one stays in the front of my mind, "what do I do now?"

I cannot bring myself to move. I just sit; for hours. For the rest of the day, I don't go anywhere. I wander around my apartment. After a year of wanting more life and less pain, I have it. With my feelings and questions spiraling around my brain, I don't know what to do or where to go. I don't know how to use this incredible ability that has been gifted to me. I have this opportunity and I'm paralyzed with thoughts of what to do with it.

Eleven hours later, I talk to myself as I climb into bed. "Day 464- no! No more counting. I'm no longer in pain and there I no reason to continue counting days of dread. Tomorrow I will answer my question about what to do. Tomorrow."

9:00 am. I open my eyes and think to myself, "something is wrong."

I pull the covers off, go into the bathroom, and look into the mirror; wide awake.

"Nothing," I answer the question from the night before.

Omnipotence is gone. The pain is back. Day 1.