So Close To Finding Us

She was me, and I was her. Everything she did, every choice she made, and every word she spoke reflected my own. We shared the same mind, the same dreams, and the same drive.

Our experiences were different, but how we saw the world—how we responded to life’s doubts and fears—Is what linked our souls for all eternity.

We could have been so close. We were so close. Oh, but for the foolish things that kept us apart. Kept us from letting down our guard and finding each other.

Self-criticism, in its many forms, stood like a mirror between us, revealing our flaws in full detail. I was so focused on what I saw, that I didn’t realize who was on the other side. I wanted to look like so much more than I was. So much more than anyone could be. Had I looked a little closer, I would have noticed the lie behind my black eyes, which shone with the darkest of secrets. The lie that I had been telling myself since the day they first opened. From the first step I took, I walked in life’s shadow, not even seeing her beside me for the lack of light I allowed into my heart.

Maybe if she had been more open—more willing to share her insecurities—I would have noticed her, finally having found someone who understands what I’m facing. But no.

She and I were linked by a force that was stronger and far more dangerous than understanding. We were linked by the very thing that kept us separated.

Instead of standing in front of that mirror, dwelling on the person staring back at me, I should have stepped around it. Then I would have seen her standing there, on the other side, wrestling with the same doubts, the same fears, the same lies.

I left her to suffer because I was too blind to see past my own instability.

We should have been the closest of friends, inseparable through every tribulation.

We should have been so close.

That mirror drove us further away than either of us realized.

It kept us apart. We kept us apart.

And we never found each other.