After it all

TW: thoughts about unaliving, self harm and substance abuse

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When do I feel alive?

Maybe when I'm going 60 to the Rainbow Station for something to ease my mind into a silence.

The fog brings me comfort, a hug I never got.

Maybe when I'm going 70 down a back road

The moonlight catching the same way it did when I ran into the woods, afraid but excited.

Maybe it's when I light my cigarette inside of the car going 90 up the highway.

The lighter reminding me of the burns on my arms inflicted, trophies of the fights my mind would win against me.

Maybe it's when I'm driving and contemplating on ending it all with just an extra sharp turn.

Permanent silence.

Maybe... I should stop driving so far from home.