life

just when you think life has slowed down enough to catch your breath, it sends another punch into your gut, stealing away the little air you have left. than you just stand there. watching out at the world moving around you, friends growing and for that second that seems to stretch an eternity you wish your life was as simple as 'theirs'.

envy overtakes you than later turns to anger and you find yourself what have you done to deserve this. you Ask God to grant you direction, send a message in any form. and although in your mind you repeatedly tell yourself that you have faith you dont feel it in your heart nore your core. doubt lurks behind those dark thoughts and somehow they forcefully push through. and you stand there with a smile plastered on your face and your emotions dancing, twirling, screaming, crying with in you.

God, I am weary and my bones aching. My flesh is tired from going through so many bad times. When is it my turn to be happy? is all this pain and aching part of Your plan for me that will lead to my purpose, or am i being punished? Lord, you say you give the biggest battles to your strongest warriors, but God i am tired and i can no longer carry myself. everything within me wants to crawl into a ball and disappear. i exist in time and it all seems to fly past me.i exist and have long ago felt alive. I apologize for my doubt for i know you never leave my side, I apologize for the anger i carry within me towards You for i know not the bigger picture i fit into nore that these trials and tribulations are what is needed of me to get to Your destination. Lord, remind me in though times to look at my blessings rather than the bad i have gone through. Carry me where i can no longer walk. Guide me where i cannot see, heal every broken part of me. Be my strength on days i struggle to get out of bed. Lord, open doors for me where they have been shut. hear my cry, Lord. I am weary and I need You , God