Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

It's hard to put into words...

when I try to start writing it down the pen in my hand trembles...

I feel the sweat pour down my face and my heart begins to race and my breathing gets heavy...

I blink and sit up to catch my breath and try to recollect myself...

I notice it's not working so I think "Dont think to much, Michael...just breath"...

I go back to the paper and force my hand to write down what I feel inside and it feels so forced and painful at the beginning...

...then it begins to find a path... it begins to make sense and I finally feel all the pain, the tears and sweat, the fear and anger get set free on this piece of paper... and when I'm done...

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

...just for a second... I can breath again... I can even smile for a bit... then the first words of this piece catches my eye again and I can't help but let a tear escape my eye... I tell myself it's for the better... I tell myself it will get better... but then I ask myself... "are you sure?" "when?" "how?" ...and I have no answer... so I put my pen to paper again... because that's how I can let it go for at least a moment...but then the moment comes where I've ran out of paper and ran out of ink...when I've ran out of words that can truly describe the pain I'm in...so it stays in my head...so many unwritten stories and poems and songs...so much guilt, pain, fear and hate...I just want to be happy...be able to breath for a second... be able to be...normal...but what is normal?...In moments like these all I can do is try to trick my body into thinking it's ok...and maybe...one day...it will be ok...if I just keep on...

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale...

MikeTheTranny