Mentally Derailed

Of all the things that obstruct me

Most of all, it's something that I don't know I see

Though my fantasies reign supreme

It's not all it's cracked up to be

In my slumber lies a disorder

So my brain refuses to keep things in order

By the time my eyelids open wide

I have no idea where I reside

I walk around in a daze

Eyes wandering as though in a haze

Every small detail sends me into a crisis

For I cannot tell if I'm awake with this

The fact I see things that aren't there

Isn't a fact that makes things easier

And even then I must question the faint voices I hear

And try not to be overcome with fear

Very often I dread waking up over and over

Stuck in a loop that I cannot escape ever

Even my memories become obscured

When I remember things that never occurred, and it can't be cured

I dread asking those closest to me

If something actually happened or if I'm still asleep just 'cause I could be

Even then, I cannot be sure

Despite how much I cry, I try to endure

It's a special sort of Hell my brain has fabricated

Only I cannot tell what the mind has created

As confused, alert, and unhinged I may be

I still remember to count to three

Day by day, I walk exhausted like a zombie

And keep my distance and people away from me

Sometimes I go a full day thinking I'm asleep

And sometimes I go a full night thinking I'm awake

Yet I still declare I'm not crazy, for goodness sake!

But it's no use, I doubt anyone could understand

Even these words may feel far too fantastical

Or maybe even borderline maniacal

All I want, no matter how impossible it may be for me

Is to one day be able to completely discern hallucinations from reality