Tyler

my dating life had been like those lollipops that gather dust and other unmentionable particles at the dentist's receptionist's desk. you want to keep taking one, and then another one, trying to find the one with the least amount of filth to take. but they're all despicable. they all leave a bad taste in your mouth that the dentist's mouthwash can't wash out. in fact, most of them land you in a therapist's office, paying copays you can't really afford, financially or emotionally.

when I first saw him, I was walking through the rancid air of an international pandemic. it was June and lockdown was in full swing. we were supposed to meet at a coffee shop. he was waiting on the sidewalk, out of the way. later he said he had never seen a picture of me, had no idea what I looked like. he was very tall. in a weird interaction where I was forced to contend with socializing with the barista, he swung in and bought me my coffee. we went outside and talked for a long time. a bee was buzzing near my hair and I remember being distinctly worried this was off-putting for him. but the conversation was easy and I found myself feeling a sense of comfort and normalcy that hadn't been a part of my life since long before the pandemic.

this is all very sweet. I felt like a kid out after curfew, seeing this man for a date. in person! like the before times! it was all so bizarre. and yet, from that day forward, it was natural. I could just be my quirky self and I wasn't judged for it? incredible. he was a genuinely nice and interesting person? unreal. cute with a moral compass? what?

I'll never forget the moment I first saw him. how he introduced himself, casually grounded and yet serious. if the pandemic hadn't happened, we would never have met. isn't life funny that way?

I think of meeting Tyler as like finding a king sized Snickers bar in the lollipop cup. It's one thing to find it, another to realize: this is mine. forever. Maybe the pandemic was the trip to the dentist, and meeting him was finding what was mine to take all along.