How can I explain,

This unbearable,

Horrible,

Pain?

You made me doubt myself,

Made me so selfless that it's bad,

And now I think so lowly,

Of the character of my past.

You told me I was wrong,

That what I said wasn't true,

I was making a big deal,

It was all just a ruse.

But it wasn't so,

And I didn't lie,

You were the one,

Who ruined my life.

Yet, I love you still,

Because you're family,

And I'll never leave you,

Just like my insecurity.

I know you blame me,

For what happened,

But you don't know,

The half of it.

I doubted myself,

Before that fateful incident,

I remember looking at my weight,

And wishing it was less.

I was 45 pounds,

That first fateful day,

When I remember body shaming myself,

I didn't even understand it wasn't okay.