Names, the Filipino Way

No—Hollywood is definitely not the first

to tweak the standard system for names!

Beyonce’s Blue Ivy, or Kim K’s North West

will surely become overrated once you land

in the streets of Manila and meet a horde of Junjun’s

—either all are ‘Junior’s’ or some are ‘June’s’

or find that most Filipino nicknames

are, indeed, meant to be repeated twice:

for instance, a Mark is Makmak, a Jennifer is Jenjen,

a Katrina is Katkat, a John is Janjan

and yes, a Frederick can be…you got it! 

(Must be a double Dick.)

‘+ng’ ending is also a centuries-old tradition:

a Pedro is Pedring, a Carmina is Mining

a Linda is Indang, a Dominic is Dodong

the incoming president Rodrigo is Digong

(oh just give me a name, and I’ll give the variation!).

But for parents who are much more creative,

combining the first two patterns is a nice way

to make sure that their kids' names would

literally ring in everyone's head—

For males: DingDong for a doorbell feel,

and if you ask for more, take Bongbong Marcos.

or the celebrities, Bing Loyzaga and Bong Revilla.

For females: Bangbang is highly acceptable,

so as Ningning or Tingting (for a pixie dust effect),

and the more organic, Potpot, Winwin and Bumbum.

Another pattern, the ingenious ‘H’ coding—

like my father, a Wilfred nicknamed Boy

(for some reasons as plain as the word sounds)

which, if written down, should be spelled as ‘Bhoy’

while Imelda, my mom, would be Mhel

along with the other, Dhoy, Mhay, Vhic and Nheng.

Not to mention the inexplicable obsession

of some fathers over the word ‘Boy’ for their boys:

Sammy Boy, Louie Boy, Honey Boy, and Teddy Boy.

Or some mothers over the word ‘Mae’ for their girls:

Krissa Mae, Cathy Mae and Jessel Mae.

How about a name from several names?

Geography, and religion can serve as inspiration:

Luzviminda, from the three main islands

(Luzon, Visayas and Mindanado),

and the holy Jejomar from Jesus, Joseph and Mary

but if the parents are really, deeply religious,

the second child is probably a Jelveme

(or Jesus Loves Me).

Still, you can’t help but ask why and where

the other half of the population got their names,

those which never adhere to any style or pattern

like Brod Pete, Ketchup, and senator Joker Arroyo,

or a boy named Bimby whose aunt is Ballsy.

Or question the trend among sentimental couples

who would soon make their growing kids wonder:

a Jan Eleven, a May Seven, an August Twelve

(which are all ‘special’ days—that’s for sure!)

an Italy, a Maine, or the sisters, Joy, Glad and Happy

a Henceforth, a Crack, a Lord Voldemort,

an ABCD, an XYZ, and a DoReMi

or can you stay serious with a man called Babe?

How about a mother named Spaghetti ’88

who has Cheese Pimiento for a baby?