John

Gabriella has been quiet since she walked in. During break, I walked over to her to ask her what was wrong. She told me she was tired and laughed. I know her. If she laughs she’s tired. Call me a coward but I’ve never been able to talk to her the way I talk to every other girl. Kelsey came out to Gabriella, so the two of us broke up. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but I thought I had fallen in love. I did. Just not with Kelsey. Gabriella. She’s always been that girl. The one that I have to make sure I look good around. The one I have to make laugh. The one I have to impress. We met when we were little. I saw her one day in eighth grade, and everything changed. She wasn’t like all the other girls. She was different. A good different.

“Sit with me later?” I asked with a bit of hope. She shrugged and pulled out her phone. Her fingers tapped and then she halted.

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Just text me where.” Her notebooks flooded with notes. A smile crossed my face, and I went back to my seat.

The breeze felt nice. Gabriella’s hair gently touched my shoulder as her eyes looked into a dark world. Normally, she would talk my ear off and we’d be giggling. She rested a finger on my knee. I looked, and she was already looking at me. She shifted and rubbed her neck. She then asked me about a very random concept. Apparently, she’d been watching a show where a girl falls in love with her sister’s husband. I know Gabriella. She loves to try to figure out what will happen before the show even ends. Then she asked me what I thought would happen.

“Maybe the girl will tell her sister. Maybe she’ll move to get away from him. Maybe she’ll look at someone else. I chuckled, running a hand through my hair. She laughed and gently hugged me. She was quickly back to normal, making fun of me for my love for romance. We went quiet, and the clouds moved to the breeze. She pulled out her phone, earbuds, and a wipe. After cleaning the earbuds and plugging them into her phone, she tapped her screen while hanging me the left one.

Silence. Then a gentle beat. “Falling” By Harry Styles began, making me close my eyes. This song played at my mom’s wedding. I brought Gabriella along since Kelsey and I were in a fight. We danced all night and tried some beer. Gabriella drank maybe a bottle’s worth. I drank maybe 5. Growing up with a family that does nothing but barbecue, you end up with a beer in your hand. Somehow that night we climbed onto the roof of the building and watched the stars. Once this song played, we danced up there. I heard her humming. Then it morphed into singing. She’s no professional, but she can sing like one. That’s what 8 years in a band can do to you. She gently tapped my jeans as the song ended. The music faded, the world seemed to stop. She stopped tapping, the breeze froze, my breathing stopped, and her hair rested calmly on her shoulders. Finally.

“Do you know what song would be fantastic right now?” I asked, smiling.

“Mm?”

“When-” I paused hearing the beginning of "When You’re Ready" by Shawn Mendes. She looked at me and giggled. Before I could process anything, she moved around to rest her head and shoulders on my legs. Her hands rested on her stomach as she looked up to me, with the cutest smile I've ever seen. I gently patted her head, and she giggled. This is my song to her. When she was ready, I’d be waiting. I’ve had these mixed-up feelings before I became as close as we are now. I sat back and let the grass prickle my neck. The earbuds pulled out of our ears, making her quickly sit up and pull out her bluetooth ones. Once they connected, we were laying back down. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it. Might just be my stepdad, I couldn't care less. Why haven’t we done this before?

Before we knew it, it had been 3 hours of us just lying there. We packed our things up and walked past the baseball field. Out of nowhere, do you hear me? NO WHERE! She grabbed my hand and played a different song. I didn’t freak out like I thought I would. We took the long way to her house. Only when we got there, she let go of my hand and took the earbud back. Dylan opened the door and raised his eyebrows. Lyla stood behind him, pissed off. She pushed Dylan to the side, grabbing our ears to pull us into the house.

“Why the hell can’t either of you answer your damn phones?” She let go and crossed her arms. Dylan held onto her shoulder and told her not to be hard on us.

“Um. . .We were laying on a hill?” Gabriella shrugged and walked down the hall.

“Should I, uh, go?” I asked. Dylan nodded, chasing after Lyla. Once I left and walked down the street, I couldn’t help but think of her. I guess my world would be pretty boring without her.

The band had been playing for about a week at this bar. Their third sell out in a week. Gabriella was trying hard to deal with the people who hated her. She was the only girl in the band. The only reason she could join was because she could actually play the guitar. They called themselves “Thunder From Above.” The guys eventually got used to hearing a girls’ opinion and treated her like she was really there. They were all a sizable group of friends. They never produced their own music, but the covers we did were amazing! Zach was the lead singer. He was a Sophomore like Gabriella but he left during his Junior year because of exams. That’s where Manny, the bass guitarists, came in. He knew someone who could take his place so that he could become the singer. He was way better than Zach. Cori was a drummer but liked that bass guitar more. Everyone thought that Asher and Gabriella were dating. Asher took place as the drummer after Cori became the bass guitarist. He was great at what he did, too. Everyone was a Junior, but Gabriella. They didn’t focus on years though. If you were failing more than one class, they paused you. This meant you had to take 2 weeks to get your grades higher.

The first day they did a show, the bartender wasn’t there pouring drinks. Instead, she was strumming. Blue filled in for her. Gabriella always joked about being a bartender and being in a band and it actually happened. The very first song they sang was “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. Gabriella was amazing! She didn’t miss a single note. The first song they did with Manny as the singer was “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga. They. Were. A. Hit! People paid for drinks just to watch them play. Gabriella changed after her Sophomore year. She played like she was going to die soon, wrote songs, and sang verses. Gabriella wrote songs that were never heard. The guys loved the music, but they weren't good enough to play the songs she wrote. They tried one night though. They lost a few people but then gained them back when they fully understood what to do while playing.

One day, the band stopped. They all just disappeared. A week later, they came back like nothing happened. Cori said that they got an offer from a pretty cool production company, Fueled By Ramen. FBR didn’t really like the fact that they were a girl calling all the shots. So, the guys pushed the paper back to the man that requested them, and walked out to go get dinner. They went back to playing at the bar. Cori said that Gabriella had to take a break for a while. She was playing so hard that her fingers would bleed on stage. A few people at the bar called her Bloodline. Manny left the band, and they were crushed. They didn’t play as well, and they lost their magic. He went back after 2 months. Of course, they weren’t like before. They were better. Asher and Gabriella ended up getting their own parts where they would sing. She’d strum. Sing. He’d hit. Sing. They sounded great. There was a rumor that the two hooked up and it turned out that it was true. She had told him she killed his skills, and he took her out that night. They didn't really have sex like everyone thought. They just went on a date and kissed a few times.

Manny thought that a relationship between the two of them was cool. Cori hated it. All of us students figured that all the guys were obsessed with her and Asher was just lucky that he got her. When Gabriella started her Senior year, Asher had gotten into a fight with his parents. It was so bad that he left town and never came back. The band was slipping. That was until Manny thought about getting another one of his friends, Grey, to continue as the drummer. It’s kind of hope more than a rumor that us fans had that Gabriella wrote a 35 page letter to Asher saying they needed him. She would write that they weren’t replacing him, just trying not to lose what they had as a band. During the Senior prom, Gabriella didn’t play with the band. The guys said that they couldn’t play without her. That’s when the amazing, “Thunder From Above”. . .Ended. They were a hell of a band. Even the staff at the school was sad to know that the band was gone. The most strict teachers cried like us students. We had lost our symbol. Our badge. Our glory.

I walked through the door, and Monica ran over to me giggling. Rick came around the corner and welcomed me in. My mom grabbed my face and opened my mouth, making sure all of my teeth were still there.

“What took you so long?” She asked, holding a plate of pasta and meatballs out to me. Grabbing the plate, I smiled.

“Just with Gabby.” Monica made a kissing sound and ran to her room. If I was out late, mom thought I was dead or in jail. Gabriella never really came around anymore so they stopped asking about her. She actually loved my family. Mainly because mom would make Kick-Ass ice cream. Monica was 12 but was still an 8-year-old at heart. She skipped 2 grades, like I did. Mom has always been proud of that.

The water was hot on my back once I turned the shower faucet right. There were times I would hope to share this shower with Gabriella. Not to be sexual but just to shower. No actual need to touch each other unless we wanted to. She loved my shampoo. She stayed over one night after a fight between her and her sister and mother. She’s always hated fighting. Always. That day that she took a shower, I had to piss so damn bad. Of course our other bathroom was broken. She told me it was fine, but I felt guilty as I stood there, looking at the shower before I left. I couldn’t look at her that night.

The bubbles ran down my chest; the water brushed them off as my hand turned off the water. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist. The second I got into my room, I felt weird. There was something making noise in my closet. I went over and saw Gabriella bawling her eyes out. Without thinking, I got to her level and touched her cheek. Her hair was a mess and her face was burning. I stood and went to change. I pulled the towel off and threw some boxers on.

“Come here.” I held my arms out and waited for her. She came over and held onto my shoulder. I pulled her into my bed and put the blankets over her. Her sniffling made me feel terrible. She cried even more when I held her close. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to her at this point. My lips landed on her head as my eyes clamped shut. Mom opened the door and grabbed my towel. She didn’t care that Gabriella was there. Mom walked over to her and whispered something I couldn’t hear, then she left. Gabriella’s hand felt good on my chest. Warm, cold, comforting. She tucked her head into my neck and cried softer.

10 minutes. Took her 10. Not terrible but not good either. She was breathing slower now and her head was on my shoulder. It scared me she would not calm down. Mom texted me saying her, Monica, and Rick went to Tori’s house for the night so Gabriella wasn’t scared to leave the room. Slowly, she rose and hugged her knees, mumbling something.

“Hm?” I tilted my head.

“I’m sorry. You were in a damn towel, and I was just there. I didn’t know where else to go. I’m just scared.” Her fingers played with the blanket by her foot. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not like I could do anything much. So I stood, walked out to the kitchen, got vanilla ice cream from the freezer, and sat back in bed with her. As she stirred the ice cream around, she looked at me. “Lyla is worried about me. She doesn’t want me to stay the way I am . She said that my mental health is getting bad again. My mom didn’t even stop her. Dylan tried to, though.” A spoonful went into her mouth and she tapped the spoon at the bottom of the carton. Once she finished it, she put it aside and wiped her face with her arm.

“Gabby. . .I don’t know how to help. You don't tell me anything anymore. I want to know things about you. Gabby, I. . “ I sighed and rested my head on my light blue wall. The ceiling is so far away. She laughed. “I know. Johnny, you’re the only person who gets me. Can you just. ..Let me tell you that? You are the only one that doesn’t baby me.” Her head thumped onto the wall next to mine. We looked at each other and said in unicorn ‘Lyla needs to stop being such a mom’. We laughed together, and she looked at me again. I turned to her and touched her chin.

“I care about you so much, but I can’t help you when you don’t tell me things.”

“I know, I ’m going to get better.” Gabriella looked somewhere on my forehead and I couldn’t help myself.

“Gabriella. . .I.”

“Hm?” She gently smiled. I leaned in and kissed her lips. They were soft like I always thought they’d be. She returned a kiss and put her hand on my shoulder. Don’t stop.