As they slowly danced, Gabriella sat outside, watching the rain fall around her. Lucky, her mother, sits next to her and wraps her arm around Gabriella’s shoulders. Lyla knew what she was doing when she made this day the wedding date. It didn’t bother Gabriella too much, but she felt like she lost her day.All day, Gabriella was outside. Even for dinner. Lyla carried a plate out to her and smiled as she handed it to her. Dylan was nearby with some friends, drinking and laughing.

“He’s so amazing.” Lyla’s face lit up as she giggled.

“I bet. I mean, he’s amazing enough to marry him on my birthday.” They laugh and Gabriella eats. This sometimes got Lyla down, but other times she would laugh it off with Gabriella.

It’s Monday, my professor is already being an ass and we aren’t even three months into the school year. I sat on the cold seat of the bus and let out a sigh of relief that I was heading home. The woman next to me offered me a bottle of soda. Taking the bottle, I handed her a ten-dollar bill. She refused, but I still handed it to her. When my stop came, I stood and smiled at her. Lyla and my mother both texted me telling me they were going to be at the mall for a few hours, looking for things. I texted back saying that I’d be okay without them bringing me anything back.

Mom: Honey, we can bring you something if you want

Me: I’m okay

Lyla: Tell Dylan when he gets home! He’s with a client right now, so I can’t text him. Don’t bother him with John, okay? Today’s been a long day for him.

Me: Yep, I know.

I unlocked the door and there Dylan was, on the couch, scrolling through his phone. I walked by him and went to my room. Without another thought, my bag emptied onto my desk, my windows flew open and my Spotify shuffled my favorite playlist. John would come over in an hour, so I have to get all of my work done and fit some studying in there somewhere. My sister went to a college and told me not to. However, I’m not too good at following directions. I would not only be doing something different from her but also, why should I listen to her?

~Don’t Change - Why Don’t We~

My foot tapped to the beat as my hand moved my pencil wherever it needed to go. I softly hummed and closed my eyes, the breeze stinging my face. Maybe this isn’t too bad. Professor Collins isn’t really to blame but I still get pissed off about the fact he won’t chill out about me falling behind a little. I spun in my chair to see Dylan standing at the doorway; arms crossed while he leaned into the doorway.

“Hey, how was it today?” He asked, clearing his throat.

“Fine”

“Do you need help? You look a little stressed.”

“I’m fine, okay?” I stood and put my things away. My heavy bag is thumping into the closet. The bristles of the cold, purple, light hair brush pulled through my hair. Dylan said nothing else. Instead, he just stood there and looked at an old picture of Lyla and me when we were kids. I sprayed perfume on my neck and wrists.

“You were so young when we met. I remember you two were always together when I came over. He chuckled. My legs carried me over and I took the picture off of the wall and set it face down. We used to be like that. Now? She wishes I was dead I bet. I landed back into my chair and sighed. He came over and crouched in front of me. “What’s wrong?” He has never looked at me like this. Swiftly turning my head, I answered with ‘nothing.’ His fingers touched my face to make me look at him. “Tell me.” My mind was racing a mile a minute. I didn't know what was going on.

“You’re doing it now. Of all people. You. Stop treating me like a kid. I’m not one! You don’t have to be this nice, caring, brother-in-law to me. Lyla won’t care or notice. You don’t even have to talk to me. Stop babying me. Just. . .” a tear rolled down my cheek, and I looked at him. Regret. He is regretful. At this moment, I regret. He wiped away the tears and leaned close to me. His breath stung my lips as we both sat there waiting for something to happen. I hoped that someone would walk through the front door so I wouldn’t have to let him know how I feel. “Dylan. I. . .” Before I could do anything more, his lips were softly pressing against mine. A pulse in my entire body shook me. I shouldn’t be doing this. We shouldn’t be doing this. I ever so slightly kissed him back.A car door outside closed, making me jump. I shut the windows, tugging the blinds closed. John’s car sat in the driveway as music blasted through his windows. “Keep your mouth shut and say nothing to anyone.” I walked by him and ran to the door the second I left the room. When I opened the door, John pulled me into a hug and pulled me outside, the door slammed behind him. As he shook me around, I could smell his strong cologne. When he let me go, he rambled about how he missed me in class ever since Professor Collins moved us apart from each other. John. He’s amazing.

We’ve known each other for as long as I can remember. We had a bunch of classes together so I was at his house or he was at mine working on homework together. I remember when he asked me who the hell made the idea of calculus. I found my best friend. We actually realized we had much more in common than we thought throughout the years. On the very last prom, he went with his girlfriend Kelsey. They were super cute together. I went alone and didn’t think too hard about it. There were guys trying to dance with Kelsey all night since someone had pulled John into so many games of Soda Pong (the teachers’ version of beer pong). Kelsey would get rid of them by telling them I was free and then I would get trampled. My dress hugged my body all night. Black cloak, as the store called the color. It took me forever to make it but I ended up creating two dresses and one suit. I made the sleeves from lace, making me fall in love. The back was also lace, along with the collar. The three of us matched. We all wore lace covered black outfits to be ‘The Three Goths’. Our favorite show to watch together is called Our Gothic Romance. The three of us fell in love with it. Of course, it had nothing to do with romance, but the show was still amazing. John and I stopped watching the show when he and Kelsey broke up.

John spun me around, opening the door. We stepped inside to see Dylan on the couch, watching TV. John waved to say hi, and they got into a conversation. I sighed and waited for them to be done. Dylan stood and walked over to the kitchen, motioning for me to follow him. He pulled a can of coca cola from the fridge as I grabbed a glass from the cabinet, beginning to pour it out. Just when I thought I was free, he spoke.

“What happened?” He asked, tapping the counter with his finger.

“Like I know? Can we just talk about this a different time?” I rolled my eyes and took the cup from him.

“Okay, well, I don’t that I’m the asshole for asking what happened. I know I started it and everything, but you definitely”

“Stop. We’ll talk about it after.” I sighed, walking away. I make a joke to John, trying to not seem suspicious. He took the soda for me and we headed into my room. I didn’t sit in my chair.

★

The red glare of my alarm clock messed with my vision. 12:01 A.M. I quickly stood, stretched, and headed out my door. Calm. The house never said like this for long. Mom would leave in two hours and then Dylan. Then Lyla would drop me off at campus. The faucet ran and shut off quickly once my fingers felt the cool metal. My ringtone chimed from my room and I scurried back, closing my door. I curled under my blankets, filling in the password to open my phone screen.

Dylan: Are you awake?

Me: I don’t know, am I?

I laughed, bending my knees, waiting for a response.

Dylan: Well. . .We need to talk. Not over the phone.

Me: I get out around 1 because of exams. What about you?

Dylan: I get out early. Holiday.

Me: Okay, well then?

Dylan: Yes

Me: Milkshakes or no deal.

Dylan: Deal! Sleep well.

Me: You too

What in the hell am I doing? This is bad. This is wrong. I should tell him I didn’t mean to kiss him back, and it was on instinct. Right?

12:30 and I was ready to go. Finally, I have to look forward to when I leave. Lyla texted me, saying she hopes I have a good night. She’s going out with her mother and a few of their friends. She didn’t know I was getting out early. Why would she need to know? I’ll say I was going to surprise her with a picnic. Which is the truth. Only now it’s a little twisted. She’ll be out, there will be a picnic, and it’ll be with her sister instead.

Gabriella. I can’t find any words to describe her. She’s a flower that has no name. A new element. A song. A feeling. When I met Lyla, I felt the same way. Lyla’s looks were different. She had glasses and bangs. After we got engaged, she started wearing contacts and let her bangs grow out. Lucy was full of energy still and Gabriella didn’t come into my thoughts when I needed to sleep. Lyla would. Would. Why Gabriella? How? No idea. But she’s there and I’m happy when I think of her. Thrilled. Excited. A hand touches my shoulder, causing me to spin around.

“Well, Mike is here early. So if you want to, you can leave early. He’s never early so I’ll make him work your shit too. Same pay. Have a good night.” Bill walked away and welcomed a young couple through the doors. With no hesitation, I grabbed my things and headed to my car. I zoomed to a hotel and paid for a room until tomorrow. Housekeeping told me there was no dryer, but I told them not to worry about it. Room service brought the three milkshakes I ordered. I downed one of them, taking a breath. She might like that! I threw the one I ate away, grabbed my keycard for the room, and my car keys, running to my car.

There were people walking out, but I didn’t see Gabriella anywhere. I look away for three minutes and there she is, standing on the steps. A dark blue hoodie, a black skirt, knee-high socks, and black combat boots. Her hair blew in the wind. My heart skipped a beat as she looked around. The engine started, she instantly made her way over, sitting in the passenger seat. When she bucked up, Gabriella leaned her head back, sighing.

“Long day?” The car backed up.

“Professor wouldn’t get off my ass about the fact that I’m falling behind. It’s not that I can tell him to his face that he talks too fast. He wants me tutoring the other kids because I got the highest score on the entrance exams and he thought he wouldn’t have to worry about me.” Her jawline looked so kissable, but I bounced back to focusing on the road.

“Well, this place has great milkshakes.” My eyes moved to her face, and she was smiling. Only a few more turns. We pulled into the parking lot and she looked a little confused. I shrugged, and we kept walking. Room 688. The room waited for us. I opened the door, letting her in first. I closed the door behind me as we walked in, She grabbed the vanilla milkshake, leaving me with the chocolate one. I shrugged it off, knowing she liked vanilla better. We sat at the foot of the bed, silent.

“I have a question. I’d like to warn you, I don’t dance around anything. I get right to the point.” A cough left her as she nodded. She stirred the shake, waiting. I cleared my throat. “Why did you kiss me back?” She stopped when the words left my mouth.

“I didn’t?” Her fingers fumbled while her feet tapped each other.

“Yes, you did.”

“No.” She continued to stir the shake more, ensuring that she didn’t catch my gaze. I put my glass on the TV stand and touched her cheek the same way I did the day before.

“Gabriella. . .”I mumbled. She looked into my eyes, her cheeks flushing pink. My hand grabbed the chilling cup from her hands and placed it beside mine. I leaned closer to her, she gently pulled away. Her forehead slowly rested on mine. Her lips moved close to touch mine, soft. The opposite of what she acts towards me normally. She jumped up, pacing back and forth with a panicked tone.

“She’s going to kill me. This is your. You married her. . .I.” Tears flooded Gabriella’s beautiful hazel eyes. My book shook while I pulled her close.

“We can get through that.”

“What if we can’t?” Her hand touched my wrist.

“We will.” I spoke as softly as I could.She breathed out, moving closer to me. We were kissing again. I stepped back, landing back onto the bed. His forehead touched mine once more, mumbling her fears. My fingers gently brushed her cheek, and she looked at me. Gabriella Graze. I fell in love with one and got the other. Gabriella chuckled, planted another kiss on my lips. My hands moved to her lower back, pulling her onto my lap as my lips traced her neck. Her hands touched the back of my neck, making me look into her eyes. Again, we kissed and ended up smiling. Sure, this is crazy as hell, but I feel this way for her. Gabriella. Why do you feel so good but you’re so bad for me? I lifted the hoodie off of her, exposing the black tank-top beneath. My hands wandered to her thighs, making her squirm a little. We kissed again, each time a new world. Her fingers played with my collar while we kissed. I pulled her shirt over her head, making her hair fall onto her shoulder. She pulled my shirt off, the two of us laughing. We stopped for a second to catch our breath as we laughed. Her phone rang, making her jump. She reached for her bag, sighing.

“Can it wait?” I groaned, kissing her neck and shoulder. She shook her head and answered the call.

“Hey mom, what’s up?” She stood, picking up my shirt. I stood next to her, holding her, kissing her neck as she told her mother an excuse. “I’m tutoring this new girl, Stacey.” Gabriella’s hand touched the top of mine. Her mother groaned, hanging up.

“Stacy doing okay?” I smiled, resting my head on her shoulder. She stayed quiet, then spun around to look at me.

“Can we, um, not do too much? You’re just. . .I’m a little.”

“Scared.” I finished for her, grabbing the shirt from her. Before she could cry, I pulled the shirt over her head, pulling her hair over the collar. Gabriella’s smile makes me feel weird. A good weird. The best weird. She fell into my chest, hugging me.

“I’ve had these weird feelings for a long time. Yeah, I married Lyla but just one day. . .changed everything. Gabriella, I saw you and my heart just knew. We didn’t even talk that day when I got these weird ass feelings for you.” I chuckled, she pulled me into the bed, lying down facing me. We lie there, face to face. After a while, she closed her eyes and fell asleep. No regrets. That’s what I live with. No regrets.

★

Gabriella left around 10:30 p.m, taking my shirt with her. It didn’t bother me. Instead, it made me smile. I grabbed a pack of beer on the way home. Just around 1, Lyla called me, asking me where I was. I told her I’d talk to her when I got home. We did. I threw the beer into the fridge and she waited in our room. We almost fought. Even now, as her head is on my chest, I wish it was Gabriella’s.

“You scared me, Dylan. You’re never that late.” She clenched my hand.

“I wasn’t at work. I went to a hotel and slept there for a while. At first, I was going to bring you so we could have a little picnic. But then you were out with your mom and friends, so I said nothing. Gabriella called and asked if I was busy. I picked her up and brought her there. She’s stressed because her professor is giving her issues. So, we settled it with milkshakes.” At least I didn’t lie about all of it. Lyla squeezed my hand tighter and kissed my chin.

“You’re so sweet.” Her voice echoed in my head. Even hours after she fell asleep, I could get her off my mind. Her smell, the way she felt, her lips, her smile, her laugh. Everything. A bird sang, telling me I wasn’t getting any sleep. Lyla rose, giving me a kiss on the cheek. I held her closer, groaning. I let go, realizing she wasn’t Gabriella. She climbed over me, pulling a dress over her head, spinning around to look at me. I sat up and kissed her after standing beside her. She smiled and grabbed her keys, walking out the door.

“Hurry up Gabby!” Lyla yelled down the hallway. Gabriella cleared her throat.

“I’m right here.” She answered, close to our door. My heart stopped. I don't know what gave me the balls to do it, but I opened the door more to look at her. Today's outfit was a skirt, leggings, high tops, and a tank top. Her hair sat high in a bun, showing the small tattoo on her neck. I pulled a shirt over my head and stood behind Gabriella as Lyla made her morning coffee in the kitchen. I whispered, making her shiver a little. My hand pulled the bun down. Her perfume flooded my senses, her body and her neck so kissable. I walked past her, to Lyla to grab the coffee. Lyla kissed my cheek, opening the door for the two of them. When they walked out, I could finally breathe. I can’t do that again or I’ll do what I was thinking of doing. The coffee burned my mouth. For the best.

Gabriella has been quiet since she walked in. During break, I walked over to her to ask her what was wrong. She told me she was tired and laughed. I know her. If she laughs she’s tired. Call me a coward but I’ve never been able to talk to her the way I talk to every other girl. Kelsey came out to Gabriella, so the two of us broke up. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but I thought I had fallen in love. I did. Just not with Kelsey. Gabriella. She’s always been that girl. The one that I have to make sure I look good around. The one I have to make laugh. The one I have to impress. We met when we were little. I saw her one day in eighth grade, and everything changed. She wasn’t like all the other girls. She was different. A good different.

“Sit with me later?” I asked with a bit of hope. She shrugged and pulled out her phone. Her fingers tapped and then she halted.

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Just text me where.” Her notebooks flooded with notes. A smile crossed my face, and I went back to my seat.

The breeze felt nice. Gabriella’s hair gently touched my shoulder as her eyes looked into a dark world. Normally, she would talk my ear off and we’d be giggling. She rested a finger on my knee. I looked, and she was already looking at me. She shifted and rubbed her neck. She then asked me about a very random concept. Apparently, she’d been watching a show where a girl falls in love with her sister’s husband. I know Gabriella. She loves to try to figure out what will happen before the show even ends. Then she asked me what I thought would happen.

“Maybe the girl will tell her sister. Maybe she’ll move to get away from him. Maybe she’ll look at someone else. I chuckled, running a hand through my hair. She laughed and gently hugged me. She was quickly back to normal, making fun of me for my love for romance. We went quiet, and the clouds moved to the breeze. She pulled out her phone, earbuds, and a wipe. After cleaning the earbuds and plugging them into her phone, she tapped her screen while hanging me the left one.

Silence. Then a gentle beat. “Falling” By Harry Styles began, making me close my eyes. This song played at my mom’s wedding. I brought Gabriella along since Kelsey and I were in a fight. We danced all night and tried some beer. Gabriella drank maybe a bottle’s worth. I drank maybe 5. Growing up with a family that does nothing but barbecue, you end up with a beer in your hand. Somehow that night we climbed onto the roof of the building and watched the stars. Once this song played, we danced up there. I heard her humming. Then it morphed into singing. She’s no professional, but she can sing like one. That’s what 8 years in a band can do to you. She gently tapped my jeans as the song ended. The music faded, the world seemed to stop. She stopped tapping, the breeze froze, my breathing stopped, and her hair rested calmly on her shoulders. Finally.

“Do you know what song would be fantastic right now?” I asked, smiling.

“Mm?”

“When-” I paused hearing the beginning of "When You’re Ready" by Shawn Mendes. She looked at me and giggled. Before I could process anything, she moved around to rest her head and shoulders on my legs. Her hands rested on her stomach as she looked up to me, with the cutest smile I've ever seen. I gently patted her head, and she giggled. This is my song to her. When she was ready, I’d be waiting. I’ve had these mixed-up feelings before I became as close as we are now. I sat back and let the grass prickle my neck. The earbuds pulled out of our ears, making her quickly sit up and pull out her bluetooth ones. Once they connected, we were laying back down. My phone buzzed, but I ignored it. Might just be my stepdad, I couldn't care less. Why haven’t we done this before?

Before we knew it, it had been 3 hours of us just lying there. We packed our things up and walked past the baseball field. Out of nowhere, do you hear me? NO WHERE! She grabbed my hand and played a different song. I didn’t freak out like I thought I would. We took the long way to her house. Only when we got there, she let go of my hand and took the earbud back. Dylan opened the door and raised his eyebrows. Lyla stood behind him, pissed off. She pushed Dylan to the side, grabbing our ears to pull us into the house.

“Why the hell can’t either of you answer your damn phones?” She let go and crossed her arms. Dylan held onto her shoulder and told her not to be hard on us.

“Um. . .We were laying on a hill?” Gabriella shrugged and walked down the hall.

“Should I, uh, go?” I asked. Dylan nodded, chasing after Lyla. Once I left and walked down the street, I couldn’t help but think of her. I guess my world would be pretty boring without her.

The band had been playing for about a week at this bar. Their third sell out in a week. Gabriella was trying hard to deal with the people who hated her. She was the only girl in the band. The only reason she could join was because she could actually play the guitar. They called themselves “Thunder From Above.” The guys eventually got used to hearing a girls’ opinion and treated her like she was really there. They were all a sizable group of friends. They never produced their own music, but the covers we did were amazing! Zach was the lead singer. He was a Sophomore like Gabriella but he left during his Junior year because of exams. That’s where Manny, the bass guitarists, came in. He knew someone who could take his place so that he could become the singer. He was way better than Zach. Cori was a drummer but liked that bass guitar more. Everyone thought that Asher and Gabriella were dating. Asher took place as the drummer after Cori became the bass guitarist. He was great at what he did, too. Everyone was a Junior, but Gabriella. They didn’t focus on years though. If you were failing more than one class, they paused you. This meant you had to take 2 weeks to get your grades higher.

The first day they did a show, the bartender wasn’t there pouring drinks. Instead, she was strumming. Blue filled in for her. Gabriella always joked about being a bartender and being in a band and it actually happened. The very first song they sang was “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. Gabriella was amazing! She didn’t miss a single note. The first song they did with Manny as the singer was “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga. They. Were. A. Hit! People paid for drinks just to watch them play. Gabriella changed after her Sophomore year. She played like she was going to die soon, wrote songs, and sang verses. Gabriella wrote songs that were never heard. The guys loved the music, but they weren't good enough to play the songs she wrote. They tried one night though. They lost a few people but then gained them back when they fully understood what to do while playing.

One day, the band stopped. They all just disappeared. A week later, they came back like nothing happened. Cori said that they got an offer from a pretty cool production company, Fueled By Ramen. FBR didn’t really like the fact that they were a girl calling all the shots. So, the guys pushed the paper back to the man that requested them, and walked out to go get dinner. They went back to playing at the bar. Cori said that Gabriella had to take a break for a while. She was playing so hard that her fingers would bleed on stage. A few people at the bar called her Bloodline. Manny left the band, and they were crushed. They didn’t play as well, and they lost their magic. He went back after 2 months. Of course, they weren’t like before. They were better. Asher and Gabriella ended up getting their own parts where they would sing. She’d strum. Sing. He’d hit. Sing. They sounded great. There was a rumor that the two hooked up and it turned out that it was true. She had told him she killed his skills, and he took her out that night. They didn't really have sex like everyone thought. They just went on a date and kissed a few times.

Manny thought that a relationship between the two of them was cool. Cori hated it. All of us students figured that all the guys were obsessed with her and Asher was just lucky that he got her. When Gabriella started her Senior year, Asher had gotten into a fight with his parents. It was so bad that he left town and never came back. The band was slipping. That was until Manny thought about getting another one of his friends, Grey, to continue as the drummer. It’s kind of hope more than a rumor that us fans had that Gabriella wrote a 35 page letter to Asher saying they needed him. She would write that they weren’t replacing him, just trying not to lose what they had as a band. During the Senior prom, Gabriella didn’t play with the band. The guys said that they couldn’t play without her. That’s when the amazing, “Thunder From Above”. . .Ended. They were a hell of a band. Even the staff at the school was sad to know that the band was gone. The most strict teachers cried like us students. We had lost our symbol. Our badge. Our glory.

I walked through the door, and Monica ran over to me giggling. Rick came around the corner and welcomed me in. My mom grabbed my face and opened my mouth, making sure all of my teeth were still there.

“What took you so long?” She asked, holding a plate of pasta and meatballs out to me. Grabbing the plate, I smiled.

“Just with Gabby.” Monica made a kissing sound and ran to her room. If I was out late, mom thought I was dead or in jail. Gabriella never really came around anymore so they stopped asking about her. She actually loved my family. Mainly because mom would make Kick-Ass ice cream. Monica was 12 but was still an 8-year-old at heart. She skipped 2 grades, like I did. Mom has always been proud of that.

The water was hot on my back once I turned the shower faucet right. There were times I would hope to share this shower with Gabriella. Not to be sexual but just to shower. No actual need to touch each other unless we wanted to. She loved my shampoo. She stayed over one night after a fight between her and her sister and mother. She’s always hated fighting. Always. That day that she took a shower, I had to piss so damn bad. Of course our other bathroom was broken. She told me it was fine, but I felt guilty as I stood there, looking at the shower before I left. I couldn’t look at her that night.

The bubbles ran down my chest; the water brushed them off as my hand turned off the water. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist. The second I got into my room, I felt weird. There was something making noise in my closet. I went over and saw Gabriella bawling her eyes out. Without thinking, I got to her level and touched her cheek. Her hair was a mess and her face was burning. I stood and went to change. I pulled the towel off and threw some boxers on.

“Come here.” I held my arms out and waited for her. She came over and held onto my shoulder. I pulled her into my bed and put the blankets over her. Her sniffling made me feel terrible. She cried even more when I held her close. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk to her at this point. My lips landed on her head as my eyes clamped shut. Mom opened the door and grabbed my towel. She didn’t care that Gabriella was there. Mom walked over to her and whispered something I couldn’t hear, then she left. Gabriella’s hand felt good on my chest. Warm, cold, comforting. She tucked her head into my neck and cried softer.

10 minutes. Took her 10. Not terrible but not good either. She was breathing slower now and her head was on my shoulder. It scared me she would not calm down. Mom texted me saying her, Monica, and Rick went to Tori’s house for the night so Gabriella wasn’t scared to leave the room. Slowly, she rose and hugged her knees, mumbling something.

“Hm?” I tilted my head.

“I’m sorry. You were in a damn towel, and I was just there. I didn’t know where else to go. I’m just scared.” Her fingers played with the blanket by her foot. I didn’t know what to say. It’s not like I could do anything much. So I stood, walked out to the kitchen, got vanilla ice cream from the freezer, and sat back in bed with her. As she stirred the ice cream around, she looked at me. “Lyla is worried about me. She doesn’t want me to stay the way I am . She said that my mental health is getting bad again. My mom didn’t even stop her. Dylan tried to, though.” A spoonful went into her mouth and she tapped the spoon at the bottom of the carton. Once she finished it, she put it aside and wiped her face with her arm.

“Gabby. . .I don’t know how to help. You don't tell me anything anymore. I want to know things about you. Gabby, I. . “ I sighed and rested my head on my light blue wall. The ceiling is so far away. She laughed. “I know. Johnny, you’re the only person who gets me. Can you just. ..Let me tell you that? You are the only one that doesn’t baby me.” Her head thumped onto the wall next to mine. We looked at each other and said in unicorn ‘Lyla needs to stop being such a mom’. We laughed together, and she looked at me again. I turned to her and touched her chin.

“I care about you so much, but I can’t help you when you don’t tell me things.”

“I know, I ’m going to get better.” Gabriella looked somewhere on my forehead and I couldn’t help myself.

“Gabriella. . .I.”

“Hm?” She gently smiled. I leaned in and kissed her lips. They were soft like I always thought they’d be. She returned a kiss and put her hand on my shoulder. Don’t stop.

Lyla

She was gone, and we had been in my car for 2 hours looking for her. Dylan sat beside me, holding my hand.

“We’ll find her.” He told me for the twelfth time. I nodded like I did the other times and wiped the mascara off of my cheeks. Why did I have to say it the way I did?

★

She walked through the door with John at her side. I swear she was like her damn dog. He’s always liked her. You can see it. It pissed her off when I pulled on her ear. Then she just walked away. When we got to her room. I could feel Dylan trying to pull me away from her. She unpacked her bag like I wasn't even there. Mom wasn’t home, it’s not like she could help me with this. Instead of sitting at her desk, she sat on her bed.

“Mom paid a shit ton of money for that desk and chair.” I crossed my arms. Dylan turned and went into our room.

“I just want to sit on my bed. Is that a crime, your majesty?” Her eyes rolled for probably the tenth time.

“Gabriella Alicia Grace!” My feet stomped over to her and grabbed her wrist. She squeaked, looking at me.

“I’m no damn queen or some bully. I’m your sister. You can’t give everyone else around you hell because you're feeling like it. I don’t understand why you can’t just be happy for once. You drag this whole family down! We don’t need you to be so damn sad all the time! You make me wish I never got married because of how you act. Listen, I didn’t pick your birthday just because I wanted to. The people that we were inviting were only free on your birthday. Not everything is about you, Gabriella. I have to deal with your shit daily. Just stop it.” The front door closed, letting me know Mom is home from work, but this didn’t stop me. “You’re making Mom and I worry. I can’t go through putting you into a hospital again.” My voice broke. Gabriell didn’t care. She just turned her head and pulled her hood on. I spun around and slammed the door. Dylan stood there, waiting with his arms open for me. I fell in, sobbing.

We only knew she was missing when we called her phone. The only thing that scared me was Mom. What would happen to her if Gabriella died? Dylan squeezed my hand tighter as we turned the corner. John’s Street. Maybe she did this on purpose. Acting all depressed and what not to get his attention. John, for anything, would probably kill his mom for Gabriella. I'm sure he would. I don’t know or care how they met. All I know is one day she just had this boy over 24/7. Even when they were little, they didn’t bother me this much. The two of them would watch a bunch of moves and binge shoes together, but they would never talk. Dylan and I couldn’t stop talking when we were their age. Of course, whenever Gabriella would come around, Dylan would talk to her and ignore that I existed. I hope no one could see that it bothered me, because I really wanted to throw her out the window whenever she came over to talk to us. She sits next to him and welcome home. Only one day, they stopped. This was also the day Dylan stopped trying to talk to her. They both said nothing happened, but I doubted it. When Dylan and I were on our honeymoon, he told me he stopped talking to her because she just wanted nothing to do with him after the two of us got engaged. She never told me why she stopped talking to him. John also stopped telling me things.

We got out of the car and knocked on the door. John answered after a few more times I knocked. He stretched and said hi to us.

“Do you know where Gabriella is?” Dylan’s hand tapped on his leg as the words left my mouth. John scoffed.

“So now you care about where she is? Before you only cared if she was going to be bothering you. You’re just doing this to feel good about yourself. I bet you eel like some fucking hero.” he shook his head and slammed the door. Dylan whispered he saw her, but I didn’t speak. The entire drive home, his words looped in my head. Once Dylan opened the front door for me, I was done. My memory of the rest of the night is blurry. Dylan held me and fell asleep before me. Mom wouldn't look at me that night. Am I really a bad person?

Dad threw Gabriella into the air, making her giggled. Mom brushed my hair and laughed at them. We used to be a family. Everything was so much simpler back then. We were all actually happy. For Gabriella's fifth birthday, Dad dressed up as a giant bunny and stayed that way all day. He died a week later. Mom kept telling us that how he died was an accident, I never believed her. Gabriella doesn’t know the truth. I do. He kissed all of us goodbye before he left for ‘work’ that morning. He never came home. The police found him in the mass drain at the center of town, face down in the water. Mom didn’t know I was home when she was crying at the table as she read a letter. I was 12, but knew a lot from the crime shows that Dad and I would watch. He had gotten high, drunk, overdosed, and ended up falling into the drain and dying.

‘I’ve always loved the girls in my life. How could I not? You, the amazing, loyal, beautiful, dependable, Lucy have been there my entire life and longer. My heart aches when you cry. I love you. Don’t tell Gabby, but I was the one that broke her favorite stuffy, not Lyla. Tell Lyla she needs to not let the dumb voices in her head get her down. It sucks when you do. When Gabriella gets married, I want to be there. Lyla too. But I can’t. They’ll hate me. Lyla will find love. Gabby might not consider her fear of talking to people, but I hope she does. Love, you are the reason I fought for so long. They’ll find me face down somewhere and tell you that you’ll be okay.’ He ended it like that. Mom felt like a failure. She stopped smiling around the house for a long time. Then it was like she forgot out of nowhere. Like Dad never died or existed. She helped me with homework, my hair, make-up, when I got my first period. She was actually being a mother. Gabriella always said when she was little, angels took her Dad to test his strength. She would never tell us why though. Mom started working at a grocery store as a cashier and moved up to being a manager.

I made dinner on Mondays and Thursdays. Those were her late days. Mom never went on any dates or fell in love again. She was happy with just the two of us. But she was alone. After I married Dylan, we moved in with Mom and Gabriella to monitor Mom. Gabriella would send me videos of what Mom’s room looked like. A total mess. Mo has always liked things clean. So we knew when shit was going on. Dylan kissed my cheek, sitting up. My hand touched his, yawning. Dylan is all I have left. All I love. All I need.