Expectations

I like to talk

to anyone who'll listen

so long as they

are my only listeners.

My talking shines

in small groups of two or three.

In a large group

I shut down, hiding away

from anyone

who wants to force me to talk.

Many people

tell me that I should be more

social, more loud,

more enthusiastic, but

I don't want to

exhaust myself for what they

declare is the

"correct" way to live my life.

Why is it that

they tell introverts to talk

more, and louder,

to be more assertive, to

stand up against

overbearing extroverts,

to become more

social, more -- extroverted?

Why is it that

no one tells extroverts to

shut the hell up

and let us live in peace, to

leave us alone

with our thoughts so we can read

or write, or paint

or whatever gives us peace?

Why is it that

we must change to suit standards

not designed to

leave space for us to exist

in the forms in

which we are comfortable?

Why are we wrong

by social standards set by

those who whisper

louder than we even shout?

Are we to be

considered wrong just because

we're too quiet

to fight them in a battle

of volume when

we could easily defeat

them if we fought

with only the words we write?

They push us past

the limits that we have set

in place for our

own safety without asking

whether we can

survive the fall like they can.

Even those who

know our limits and respect

our choices still

expect that we will try to

change to fit their

view of how interactions

should flow and move,

and when we change and talk the

way that they want,

the way that they expect, they

believe that we

agree with them and now find

energy and joy

in the same acts and places

that they always

have and will force us into.

Just because I

enjoyed junior prom despite

the noise and lights

does not mean I want to go

with you to more

noisy places where I can't

hear myself think.

I will accompany you

to a place where

I am uncomfortable

because I am

willing to let you push me

outside the lines

of my comfort zone, just once.

But in return

I want you to spend some time

in a bookstore

or reading quietly what

I have written

so that you can understand

some of what I

feel when you drag me out: when

you feel stifled

by the circumstances, know

that is how I

feel when you take me to a

place where I am

expected to interact

courteously.