Just Wait There’s More

In 9th grade I thought I had the world figured out. I set my sights on a college and dated a guy that would pave the path to my successful all American future. I was going to be the woman I was supposed to be.

In 10th grade I had broken through the denial that I wanted any of that, and my world was in shambles. Dances with death occupied most evenings and weekends. I did not see a future for myself. Just a lie that would lead me to my early grave.

In 11th grade I formed relationships that I thought were everlasting. I felt the butterflies of young love for the first time, and I found it at the lips of girl. I was honest with myself but not with the world.

In 12th grade I knew what heartbreak felt like. Too often we assume the youth can't experience such feelings so deeply, but it is untrue. Passion doesn't have an age requirement. I had been emotionally, physically and sexually abused by those I placed my trust in through my adolescent years. But I was still here.

When I graduated I felt like the world was at my fingertips. I could be anyone and go anywhere I wanted. I had finally made it to the finish line. I was fully alive.

Starting my career I found purpose in my life. I was able to interact and intervene in a way that made a difference for people around me. I felt I was contributing to the lives of others and establishing my own as well. I started to accept myself.

As I grew with confidence, I let my true self start to emerge. I was met with hostility and more conflict. But I continued on anyways.

I met the woman I now call my wife and we found love and connection that was unmatched by others. We also found jealousy and resentment as the years passed.

Our love persevered and we married. Good times and bad were inevitable, but unconditional love would be the end result.

More hard times were faced and at each point I thought I knew my path and the destination. I would at times find myself lost at a crossroads and unsure of where to go. Limited by location and finances. My freedom was capped by the obligations and responsibilities bestowed on the middle working class.

After we had kids, I again found myself in a position of defeat. I wasn't the mom I wanted to be. I couldn't live up to the expectations I had of me or even find myself in the mirror. Parenting is hard. Raising kids of another while grieving my own losses knocked me off my feet. Their cries reminding me I am not enough.

Now I watch as my children go out and spread their infectious smiles and kindness with those around them. Developing into the change the world needs to see. I wake to their giggles and watch their passionate hearts affect everyone they meet. Including me.

I could not be more thankful to be where I am. I am so proud of the family we built and the life I survived and now appreciate fully.

The point of all of this is to summarize and demonstrate what I have lived and learned. Life is going to be hard. There are going to be moments you want to give up and walk away. There are also going to be experiences worth sticking around for. With each crossroad I faced, I had to clear the path to proceed. The view always ended up worth the work.

I stopped looking for the destination and put more effort and focus into the journey. I met so many great people I would otherwise have missed out on if I had stopped trying. And now I am watching my children grow into versions of themselves that might just change the world one day. Children that otherwise might have had a different childhood in my absence.

Your life is worth living and discovering. Just when you think you have it figured out... just wait there's more.