K-Mart Christmas Cacophony

Drunk one night a week before Christmas, we stumbled into a shoddy K-Mart near closing time on the hunt for Dinty Moore Beef Stew, even though she said it looked like dog food, it still tasted good. Nearly alone, tramping down holiday-tchotchke-crap-filled aisles, we heard it. The blue light rang, beckoning us like a nostalgic siren to the toy department. We hustled over to see what new wonders Santa and his elves had concocted. As we rolled down the aisle, riding a shopping cart, we passed a shelf of robots that wiggled and repeated back what they heard. After experimenting with profanity and flatulence sounds, we heard the motion-activated Godzilla action figures behind us roaring. We left the infinite loop of moving robots triggering Godzilla’s roars, repeated mechanically back by the robots, who then moved again, while we had to cross our legs to keep from urinating in our pants, as tears and peals of laughter followed us back out into the night.