Out of touch with reality

The thoughts linger of mortality

Dissociated from negative feelings

when all it does is leave it empty

I know it’s not completely abnormal to feel this little

Except the mind plays tricks letting the belief sink in that shes the only one who feels this brittle

Feeling a feeling that has never been felt before

The only logical reason she can think of is maybe she been carrying around the weight that has been ignored

Wondering why all of this is resurfacing to an extreme amount of pain

Knowing feeling any of these feelings will give her nothing to gain

Only to feel more shame

Shes ignored her body for so long

Distractions after distractions and helping others in the mist of their troubles that she no longer feels a sense of belonging

Belonging to herself is the biggest lesson to learn

Asking how to move forward with the broken pieces that stare into the reflection of the present….

No longer feeling like herself

Or serving a sense of value for her own

Even speaking into existence makes her feel too negatively to find a way to cope

She knows herself well enough not to desert her life

She’s just stuck in the cycle of barely getting by

Getting by to get out of bed

take care of herself

Go to work

Then come home and isolate as if the day has been enough

Too tired to carry out plans or life goals

Recently told that she is in the depths of depression

So many talks about finding medication to help it lessen

As stubborn as she is - talk therapy has always been enough

not wanting help from others as she is afraid that she is too broken that anyone will leave her in dust for the sake of it being too rough

So she hid this pain to not appear that she is too much to handle

Only typing on this website she uncovers the depth of fears, worries, sadness and the most agonizing thoughts

Without speaking her words that leave it tangled

Tangled in her throat because of fear

Because there is no stranger on here that leaves her insecure

As she spirals into the dark

The unknown sense of fear

She has a mustard seed of hope that someday she will come back instead of wanting to disappear

I know this is temporary

This darkness too shall pass

Its just this picture she sees is too small to contrast

into something bigger and

brighter

That vision seems so far away to grasp.

She wants to write about something positive for once, but lately all she feels is defeat

Good thing this is only a website that doesn’t care about what is being released.

She wants out. A different destination. A different life plan. A different sense of reality.

The happiness, the wholeness, the love…. The dreams filled in her mind

The only sentence she has lived by is one day at a time.

Now it’s one hour at a time. One minute. And one breath.