I wanted a reason

I wanted a reason to feel the way I did when I asked for things and watched him give them to others.

I said “it’s okay” because it wasn’t a good enough reason to feel this aching gaping abyss in my chest.

I wanted a reason for the utter astonishment abandonment of him not having my back but defending all others

In spite of me.

I wanted a reason and I got one as I watched his Mercury eyes winter as he looked at me

The ocean depths I longed to see were pitch dark and lonely when he spoke to me

“I found my reason” I thought, as he closed the door before I drove away.

I found my reason to feel this aching gaping abyss, the astonishing abandonment deep in the depths of my entire being.

A reason to say “I feel this pain and it is okay”