The Calm and the Quiet
The silence doesn’t make me uncomfortable
The stillness in the air feels like a blanket,
not a noose
Choking on words leads to disaster
when you have nothing real to say,
and I can’t say I enjoy that
-or tolerate receiving it.
Mumbles and grumbles
and stuttering and stumbling
What is it that you’re trying to prove?
That you can make a sound? As if that’s at all impressive
I can yell and scream just like you.
I can laugh and cry,
but I choose not to.
Embrace the peace I have offered you and
find solace in my simple smile.
Feel my hands tighten
around your troublesome neck
and try to understand the gift I am so generously blessing onto you.
There will be no more stammers or sputters,
no more lies to mutter
Just the calm and quiet,
so, save your breath for when you have something worthwhile to say.
Nothing else matters anyway.
Busy days and bitter wine
I haven't been alright for a while
but that's just fine
I've been keeping my days busy
and filling my nights with bitter wine
I think I snapped a bit
but that's okay
sometimes it feels like gravity works against me
sometimes I feel like I'll float away
If I happen to be lost
that's quite alright
eventually it'll pass as it always does
until then I'm stuck in this helpless plight
I'm not alright now
but tomorrow I might be
I'll keep my days busy and drink bitter wine
while I wait for this burden to pass me
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be
Sometimes I wonder if it's me
Am I not all I thought I'd be?
When I kiss his hips with extra care
it feels like nothing's really there.
Maybe I just wait a bit too long?
Or should I try a different song?
It's hard to tell when it's so late
It's my habit to complicate
Every little thing I see
or taste or feel or want or breathe
But don't tell me to stop now
I'm already just not sure how
So why don't you please take the lead?
Tell me what you want from me
I'll make sure I do this one thing right
I'll kiss, I'll scream, I'll moan, I'll bite
We have to get this all good now,
or really I'm not quite sure how
we can give our hearts away
and have a reason she should stay
Because even though our hearts are strong
there's no telling where this might go wrong
We have to try to be
exactly what this girl might need
And even if we're not
we gave it our best shot
We did our best to take the lead
and you can still come home to me
One Million Eyes
I know how it comes across;
to have thrown these words
so casually across the room,
to have but one lovely smile to base this letter on
when they are so clearly aware
and uninterested.
But I beckon reason from you all.
We simply don't see eye to eye
because the eye from me
sees a million eyes,
and of those million eyes, but one sees me
and the other looks away.
Be sure I don't know whose eyes they are,
but my eyes have seen beauty.
Through those I find these words,
carefully picked from inspiration
and allow myself to feel
what those eyes would see.
A Little Rain
The first thing I did when I woke
Was force myself back to sleep
I tossed and I turned
And when I finally did get up
I ran through the door
And into the rain
To feel something so delicate
Touching my skin
Then I ran for a mile
And then one mile more
Before taking cover
In the trees
And watched the grey sky pour
Knights in shining armor
I’ve never really been one to rush
I don’t particularly like to be touched
By casual things
But really I mean
As long as it’s heavy enough
It’s a curious thing to be on
About the potential of such a bond
To be one underneath—
With a grin bearing teeth
Of a girl I’m exceptionally fond
When she comes it’ll be like a light
A disastrous but beautiful night
We’ll admire her to content
We will be perfect gents
And know that the feeling was right
But I have to be perfectly clear
We’re not all that confident dear
So take it in stride
And do what you like
But I promise there’s nothing to fear
lucky
I remember the moment I caught myself slipping. Before I ever saw her face I had nearly hit the ground.
The way her name is met with a smile from anyone who had the luck to know her impressed my own ego. I’m not sure how I have the space to be so infatuated with a girl I don’t really know.
And I really don’t know her.
But I‘ve read the way she writes.
The way she makes sex so sensual.
The way she describes loving so many different kinds of people.
And with that it was no longer a choice to be made. I was wrapped up in her stories as a hopeful participant to a party I wasn’t invited to.
From then on I have felt my body tremble when I think of her and when I think of him, and when I think of us all I wish I had the experience to describe just how I imagine it to be.
But I don’t.
I was repulsed by touch, so I rarely pushed forward in my own commitments to partners. When I fantasize about the way she tastes, I’m reminded of my own humanity again.
It’s a warmth that starts in my hands. My mind runs wild fast, and I feel my chest rise as my breathing wavers. The only sound is my own heart, drumming louder and faster to keep in pace with my racing thoughts. This desire feels instinctual. It makes me feel that all of my awkwardness and inexperience wouldn’t matter. A fantasy that might never come to fruition, but just having the opportunity to pretend leaves me feeling untouched and wanting—yearning, and just oh so very lucky.