Her final goodbye

Today is the day i wasn't lying when i told you i couldn't take it anymore. Please don't look back and torment yourself for not seeing it and don't sit there and pretend you care to capitalize on my death; be honest with yourselves.

Mom, i know you always did the best you could. You were always my hero in life and know i always saw your strength. You are what got me this far in life and i'm so sorry i couldn't be more strong like you. I love you; you always were and always will be my best friend. I will eternally rest better knowing my last words to you were of how much i love you. 

Dad, i know that we had our troubles and i'm sorry for all those times i accused you of not loving me anymore, i know you were hurt by my words and just know i love you. Thank you for trying and never giving up on me; i'm sorry i gave up on you.

My new Mom and Sisters, I'm sorry for all the times i made it feel like i hated you, it wasn't you it was my inability to accept you. I love you guys.

Sissy; we fought we hated each other but we were each others biggest fans. You're my other hero because you're just  like mommy. Please don't blame yourself of sit there picking apart our arguments because even though you told me you wish i was never born, i know you didn't really mean it. You're going to make the best mother someday and your day is coming; promise.

Bro, don't regret not spending time with m or us losing touch; i know you have a life and a family and you're always going to be my first best friend. Thick as thieves and i hope dad tells all your daughters how much you loved playing barbies.

Grandma and Grandpa, i was always your girl; please remember me like that and know i'm waiting for you with Aunt Kara. I know you believe i Jesus with every fiber of your being; i'm with him now and my pain is finally gone.

I know i'll live on through you; please celebrate me in all the ways i wish i could have celebrated life. Don't follow me, don't shut down; keep fighting. I know it's selfish to say that because i couldn't; but that isn't important now.

Hope i'm not gone, be angry and hate me and be sad; grieve but please don't forget me. That's my biggest fear; that i wasn't good enough for any of you. 

I was fighting demons you couldn't imagine and that's okay. But i'm at peace writing this. For the first time i feel alive, i'll be eternally with you now and one day we'll see each other again.

I'm happy all my words to you were good ones and that i got to hug you and my niece one more time. 

Love Always, 

Your daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter and friend

I'm sorry i've always been so selfish and my biggest regret will always be causing any of you pain.

goodbye.