I’m not sorry...

Hello, 

I've been thinking about this for a while, longer than you could imagine. I know that none of you wish this upon me, but I also know that none of you will be harmed by this. You may mourn me for a day or a week, but that's about it. I'm fine with that, I don't want you to mourn me, I want you to move on and live your lives. I can promise you that I'm okay. After this is all done I will be free. Free from the stress, the anxiety, free from my emotions and self hatred. I don't know exactly where I'm going, but wherever it is is okay. Please, whomever cares to read this, do not blame this on you. It's not your fault. It isn't anybody's fault. There was no one thing to push me over the edge, no harsh word or nasty look. The reason I am doing it now and not at any other time, is that now I finally have the courage. I'm not afraid anymore, I simply do not care what happens as long as I get to leave what I am now. I don't like what I am, in fact I hate it. I hate it so much I feel it eating me alive as I wake and as I sleep. I feel as if I have been infested by some uncontrollable parasite, one that has taken over who I am. I used to be happy and free, but now I am a prisoner. I'm imprisoned by no outside force. I am constricted by myself and my thoughts. Two very similar yet very different things. My thoughts don't always agree with me y'know. They usually tell me the opposite of what I would like to hear, but that's not a bad thing. They, at least, tell me the truth. They don't let me pretend I'm anything other than a fucked up kid. It's okay, they can't bother me now. I'm not sorry about this, but I do wish you, whomever, a very happy existence.

Love, 

A fucked up kid