Like Mother, Like Daughter

  I watched him hit her. This man with a different type of blood running through his veins claimed my mother's face with his fist as if he had a right to. He knocked the words right out of her mouth; fear into my five-year-old heart. Every time he belittled her, told her she would never find another, I told myself he was lying. She did the opposite. Her brain tricked her into thinking she was never enough. She filled him with hot meals so that maybe his cold heart would somehow feel warmth. She kept the whole house clean in an attempt to hide the messy situation we were living in. She gave him a child of his own so he would stop punishing her for the one that wasn't. She made excuses for him and called it love. So I buried every little girls dream of being just like her mother right next to my mother's self-love. After that, I kept my shameful mother-daughter wish a deep secret. I vowed to myself that I would never be a spitting image of the lost girl she was. 

  When I met you, we held nothing back. Right off the bat, we knew each other's stories. What really caught my attention was the vow you made to yourself--to turn out better than your abusive father. In our minds, we were the perfect recipe for a love story. Hand in hand, we were determined to make things work. Determined to write a better autobiography than the ones our parents had written for themselves. Hand in hand, we were two clueless teenagers who thought they had it all together. 

  As time went on, the soft and sweet image wore off. Our broken hearts and battered minds came out to play, causing frequent arguments. I tried to fill you with love in an attempt to warm your cold soul. I kept your image clean in order to avoid messy conflicts with my loved ones. I gave you my world when you couldn't make one of your own. I made excuses for you and called it love. So when the day came that you put your hands on me, I cried for you. I cried because I couldn't save you no matter how hard I tried. I cried because you became everything you said you wouldn't. And when I stood in front of the mirror, a harsh reality was in plain sight. I had mistakenly buried my self-love next to my mother's. As a result, my deepest, darkest secret stared back at me. Like mother, like daughter.