The deepest secret

that I never told

was that I killed a child

when I was thirteen.

She was bright

and dreamed

of space travel

and of inventing fantastic machines.

I yanked her from

her fluffy bed,

dragged her to the living room,

turned on the TV.

I stabbed her eyes

with a steely knife

formed of 

pictures

of sand dunes and 

of tanks exploding.

And I whimpered to her

as darkness

replaced the life that bled from her:

"That is where your daddy is"

I took a gun

and shot her ears

with the cries

of starved children

and the shrieks of vultures

ready to devour.

And I screamed at her

through salty tears:

"It's too late for you to save them!"

Her knees wobbled

somehow still alive

on life support

from the small light of hope

that drove her youthful soul.

And so I mustered

the shred of strength -or fear- left of me,

to explain

in a soft whisper

that some people

lose all hope

that they extinguish their light

entirely.

And at this, her color drained

from red

to white

to blue,

the same colors

as it happens

that her father

could be wrapped in.

I killed a child

when I was thirteen.

I killed a child

and that child was me.

#ProseChallenge #DeepestSecrets

These walls were once pure

and white as snow

But frankly,

that was a lifetime ago

I stole their innocence

in the darkest hours of the night

I forced myself upon them

and stained them

to match the color of my heart

Like a sponge,

they absorb everything

They're cracking and crumbling

under the weight of keeping

all my secrets safe

I told my secrets

to the daisies when

darkness began

to overtake my reflection.

but I don't trust

very well,

so I'm throwing matches

to cover my tracks,

and watering the earth

in gasoline,

I dream of feeding

the future with char because,

grass grows better

when something dies.

tomorrow looks

pretty fuckin good

when I consider,

what I'm about to do.

We swallow unspoken words

Like moldy bread,

The secrets eat us from the inside

Until parts of our bodies dislodge and

Blow into the wind.

I'll never tell you that I don't love you.

You'll never tell me that you lost yourself

Somewhere along Highway One,

Your heart hanging from the tree limbs

Overlooking the Pacific.

We used to feel so invincible

That phrases tumbled from our tongues,

Overt and pregnant with promises.

Now we have to look for

Ourselves in the cracks

And crevices of crumbling landmarks.

We used to feel so significant

That our shadows could have

Been painted on postage stamps.

Now we have to press

Our fingers to our faces

Just to be certain We still exist.

Grimy eyes

Deceptive ways

When all that lives

Begins to fade

Creamy lies

Delicious taste

When all that breathes

Chases the bait

Failing to realize

The perfect disguise

The hidden pit

Fattens the skinny cat

Everyone thinks

He's royal blue

Out of the bag

Magic you

As black as the wood

Supportive fuel

They never knew

The pit

Made the changes

As spray polish

Does to shoes

Mummy and daddy,

are on a trip

Siblings are laughing

Glued to tv

You gently snick out

One cigar says, I do

Everyone thinks

You're whiter than snow

With feet of a kitten

Chameleons muse

Toothpaste to pepper mints

Encrypted news

Say you're a genius

Understood by few

Downgraded by your teachers

Parents include

Your theory can save

The atmosphere

From carbons misused

Everyone thinks

You're as dumb as a pig

The scales are not obvious

For you're Einstein renewed.

As I lie scribbling

on the beach

scrabbling for some

deep secrets

left to leak,

strange that I'm

not even tempted

to let my

conscience speak.

Confession, a blessing?

Good for the soul?

Surely that kind

of thing is

just a fiction

best served cold.

If you prefer hot,

I could take you

back to when

Led Zeppelin

was as heavy

as things got

and the nearest

thing to sin

was spinning discs

backwards to

let some evil in.

That's when

life was a hurry

and the passion

and the fury

were kept

decently buried.

Nowadays I

could practice

voodoo, deny God,

flagellate myself

and people might

even applaud.

These are shameless

times of few regrets

when uncovering

nameless secrets

is a thankless task.

Of course, it wouldn't

be poetry if it were

ordinary not odd

and stripped of

the mystery and

the alchemy

the coolest life

may seem a fraud.

Brave players we,

whether king

queen, knight or pawn

enrolling ourselves

in life's fantasy,

draped in tinsel lies,

to delude ourselves

that our hidden lives

are not the yawn

we know them to be.

So maybe the

dirtiest secret

now left to tell

is that I'm just

a simple poet

here for the ride

and have nothing

interesting

left to hide.

And if that's

not true of you

I would  like to bet

you haven't learnt

the trick of

keeping secrets yet.

Ahh! The delicious secret

the naked sin,

aroused skin and body

where silent whispers reside.

Secrets plunging deeply

from frolicking clouds,

breaths melting in drops

in silk coats of passion.

Shadows are lurking,

ghosts lingering,

gliding on tiny wings,

subterfuge of secrets,

silken camouflage.

We run naked

into harboring forest

finding our dark den

of forbidden iniquity.

I slip deeply into you

with my mind and body

making love in woods,

where no one listens.

Yearning echoes ring

in chambers of my heart.

Can you feel my want?

Currents of unmapped

desire emanate through

tortured spirits.

We depart orange wine sun

leaving forlorn messages,

forever love

inscribed in the sand,

unveiling the secret

we hide from the world

that both of us

belong to another.

This key burns my flesh

its invisible char 

my martyrdom.

Small penance

for my deeds

in life and dreams.

Secrets that must remain

forever guarded.

My vanilla cocoon

holds me bored.

Escape barred now

past propensities passed.

Teeth grind against

a beige existence

that must be.

Yet I hold the key

that would unlock

infinite pain.

That which I have done.

That which I could do.

Hatch what I will do and still do.

Lives I have taken.

Lusts I have slaked.

Loves I have broken.

She holds secrets in her heart

Hidden under happy memories of her children

You have to go through hell to find it

But they're there

Sometimes patient, lying in wait

Other times digging, clawing, pounding

Behind the locked and bolted door

Sometimes you will see glimpses of it

Catching a moment of it in her eyes

When she thinks no one is looking

You can see them in the way she walks 

Slowly as if with caution

The way she dresses in neutral colors and with modesty

To blend in

On the outside she appears quite composed

But if you could see deep enough into the darkness of her eyes

You would see there is a hurricane always brewing

The secrets I keep

Buried deep

In my stonewalled heart

Never to depart

My lips

But may drip

As diamonds from my eyes

Look past my disguise

And get lost in the maze

On your way

To my deepest secrets...

I build my walls high

To keep them inside

Disregard the cracks that have formed

From caging this storm

Beneath the surface of my skin

Secrets rage within

Look into my eyes

Beyond the maze of lies

And recognize

The danger

Of becoming my passenger

In this violent storm

Formed

From my deepest secrets.