I’m not sorry

To my mother; my father; my sister; my friends,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm too weak to carry on living in this harsh world. No more can I pretend that "I'm fine," will magically destroy the high-pitched, deafening laughter that surrounds me like air. Always there. This facade of happiness is much too old and cracks have began to form (why are you wearing long sleeves in summer?)

I'm sorry that everyday I lose the fight and today I've lost the war. Today, their insults morph to blades because whispers of "freak," "ugly," and "loser," will ALWAYS hurt me, killing me more and more and more each agonizing day.

I'm sorry because I'm no longer your daughter; your sister; your friend. That girl with her heart on her sleeve and a bright smile on her face. I'm sorry but she was dead long ago and her spirit rots inside of me. I'm an empty shell, a fragile ghost, walking in her skin. I killed the girl you loved.

I'm sorry this is goodbye.

To my tormentors, the ones that stood aside and the ones too scared to help,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you are so insecure that you had to destroy innocent souls in order to feel like you are beautiful and loved. That you think their fear of you equals respect and true friendship.

I'm sorry for being an "ugly freak." For being so much of a loser that my pain and tears must have meant nothing to you because you stood aside and watched me die.

I'm sorry that you are so afraid. You lack the courage to even say the two words that could have saved my "weak," "pathetic," life. Too scared to even offer something as simple and priceless as a smile or a nod. No words required... I guess fear is stronger than kindness.

I'm not sorry I escaped. I'm not sorry I will finally find happiness in death. I'm not sorry I found the courage to stop fighting.

Goodbye.