two loves, drunk, the irony of drugs, just say no to love and Drugs

I appreciate the willpower behind recreational drugs and social drinking. 

It's the walk against the wind that gets me high.  Going to edge of nowhere and feigning the jump. Adrenaline racing.  You're numb and yet you feel so much. 

The tentacles of the world are dismissed and there's freedom in the buzz. You fall with the safety net of your will. 

I embrace the false truths of it all.  Hope for demise but I'm overjoyed with the love I feel. It's a Catch 22.

But I toss the half smoked cigarette to the ground and I look at irony of you.  And rhe acceptance in your eyes and I think of her.  Alone in her prison pf clouds and darkness and I cannot help but draw away.

To love the love of indifference.  How I long for your touch. How my soul feels severed without her.

I take a drink and hope for the best.  My heart is rapid. Holding guilt for the hurt in her voice and from the intensity of your touch.

I'm a floundering bird without direction.  The winter is cold and I need the warmth of her love and you are so far away. And you are so very cold.  And the love is different and the high is filled with the beauty of it all.

And you'll hate me and she will hate me. But I wish upon the blacken star of my final edge...that I could hold you both forever. 

The better of me wrapped up inside the beautiful tragedy of your love. Hold me until the end. For abandonment is unworthy of the beauty of us all.

And I will cherish her touch as I cherish your fading voice and I will exit this world in awe of the two. 

You saved me from myself and she saved me...unwilling amd unaware. And my heart cannot bare the loss of you nor her.

And I cannot let you down, i cannot let  my soul and my purpose fade. But I cannot let her down

Nor can I deny myself the love inside of her or the gentleness of a simple touch. 

  Ill take a drink. Ill light the bong and ill pretend for a moment that she's you but in the midst of the passion I'll see her eyes and ill make love to the hope we once held. 

Tonight she'll fall asleep in my arms. There will be a twinge of pain and guilt as I kiss her goodnight. 

But the better part of me is you... and her and without that rhe willpower is gone and I jump...I battle the wind and I become a ghost of what could have been