Rambles of my heart... On and on and on...

Kindred soul of mine... Much alike in many senses... Lost on this platform... In This realm... In this life... Absorbing this world's hurt and pain... Feeling like a sponge sometimes... Simplest rejection or bypass from those we hold dear... Or a browse of a hurtful news article or hearing of someone's shortcomings... I promise you on everything my emotions storm effortlessly out of control... I feel it as if the pain is of my very own... Bringing me much anguish for I have great desires but no powers to heal Or save others... But I won't let it stop me from doing my part and sharing love to this unforgiving world full of beauty and mystery... I try to stay away from most of the evils ppl post daily with no compassion for human life or death... I have learnt the very had way that an empath such as myself has to be mindful and guard my heart at all times... But like a magnet we are sometimes drawn to hurt and pain caused by the evils... In the most craziest infectious ways... Sometimes... Well many times I feel like a fallen angle... Banished from a heven I don't even believe in... Cursed to never truly be loved... less I find another fallen angle tossed down from up above... For I have loved and loved and loved only to usually get shitted on or emotionally neglected... Leaving me starving in hibernation for love and affection, for understanding, compassion and companionship... Passion and friendship... I'm over sensitive to the evils of this world is kind of them under over statement... my heart seems to have no end from the pain it absorbs from others especially when Justice has not been served... Especially when the innocent have been taken advantage of... Then rage and anger especially when we are told and raised to believe that we can call on someone for protection the will come, when the real reality is we can call all we want there will be no one to come and that's just me speaking from my own personal life experiences... I long to know if their is someone I can fall in love with everyday just because loving them is so effortlessly beautiful... Someone that will genuinely feel the same for me... Someone I can share my journey with and explore with them theirs... Someone with a sweet kind heart... But thick skin and and open mind... Now I could have my head up in the clouds... Very much so... And maybe it is exactly why i haven't experienced it yet... Because maybe it just doesn't exist... Or maybe I've Just had a series of unfortunate events... Filled with lack of adventure and romance I would say... Just plain dull in that area... Honestly tho I'm a mess... Kind of just finding myself after some unexpected life changes... The journey has been a struggle but one I have found beauty in... I don't break easy... Doesn't mean I want break or ever be broken... I just know this can't be all that's meant for me... This.. Here and now... My life... Im lost... I feel alone and incomplete... Im not wired for that... Sad... Yes... But true... Something is missing... That i know for sure... & I won't give up on myself or my aspirations of life and love... I can't die and leave this realm without experiencing life and love the way I feel and dream ought to be... It just wouldn't be right... I've come to far... Gone through to much and given of myself in ways that will never be returned... But I am birthing every day in New ways... I hunger for knowledge New and old of our origin... Of love and the meaning... A journey the events of our today's world has brought on but that have really always lingured in the back on my mind... On the tip of my pen... In hidden pages of my notebooks and journals... This jouney has led me to separate myself from my religious upbringing... I've never felt a passion for knowledge of my/our orgins Not the way I do now... Like a deep burning I can't avoid... Tho deceiving truths have broken my heart in ways that i never thought to be possible... The deciet and bamboozlement... I rather live in truth than die in a lie just because I was raised in it... Religion to me has become no more than a means of control and segregation... & a matter of geographical birthings... All pulling And tugging a little from eachother... Fighting till the death in the most horendous of ways just to claim right to the "REAL" God... Don't get me wrong I never said no good come of it like hope & supports of sorts, even a sense of belonging... I could go deep into that but you're a smart one... Im sure u know where I'm going with that... Not sure about much I was raised to believe in... Like when everyone on the island scorned me and my family because my father was ill with the virus... My holy Christian isalnd/home... Ready to toss us like we were death ridden... So much for brotherly love and compassion.... Even my teachers school and church and best of friends shun me because their peers & parents told them not to... Because they thought they too would be infected but they were wrong... Just like I've grown to the realization that man/ppl have been wrong about many things... Fearing the unknow and living in ignorance for looking down on ppl like myself who explore when the obvious presents itself... But mant have no interest or desire to explore or research knowledge for themselves... Comfortable with things as is... When the obvious says otherwise... But that's a whole other segment of thoughts and feelings... My list of unfortunate events go on forever it seems... My childhood was no stroll in the park... More like a toss down the mountains across the forest and through the mud with scattered flower patches along the way... & I only share this because I want you to know upfront I am a piece of work to love... But one that's worth it above and beyond some... So much love to give... So much life to live... Maybe one day one night... One lifetime soon u will be the one to journey with me down memory lane as i laugh and smile cause their only distant memories... Blemishes of my past... Written in time to remind me of my strength... My story... My Journey... Me... I want to share this love with someone who know what to do with it... How to nourish it... For my love is beautiful... Kissing away all the fears... Holding u close always near... Whispering lullabys in ur ear... For a love like mine is simply rare.. Others can't comprehend... Other's can't compare...

-SunKiss