The Forgotten

This man is not going to be happy when he wakes up.

The last tethers of half sleep had slipped away, leaving me fully aware that I was dreaming. Lucidity in dreams seems a devilish trick. My clarity of mind was immediately at war with the impossibility of my situation. The room came into focus.

Shouldn’t I be awake by now?

I hadn’t lucid dreamed since childhood. Floating past my yelling parents on a cloudy pillow destined for an open window. A false fantasy I had multiple nights a week, but still one of my favorite memories. This felt far more intentional. I could almost feel a heavy hand on my shoulder rooting me to the floor. I was at the foot of a large bed, it’s weary occupant I did not recognize. The man slept heavily.

Someone else is here.

Had I always known we were not alone? In a dream, facts feel remembered rather than discovered. A second man was creeping through the window, cat-like movement betraying evil intent. I opened my mouth in warning. A toilet flushed. The bathroom door opened. I noticed the extra set of pillows. I remembered there was a third involved in this situation. A woman screamed, the situation before me entered its third act. I turned to the newcomer. I remembered her.

Mom?

I had not seen her in decades. She looked old. Abandonment had rotted her place in my heart. She did it for some piece-of-shit home-wrecking mystery man according to my father. I stared at the man in bed, as he was startled in slow motion. No longer mysterious, my hate found a foothold in every laugh line on his face. I remembered shouting at the invader. A memory flashed of terror on his face as he jumped back through the window. I remembered turning to my mom and forcing her to look at the pictures of my dad right before the tumor staked claim to his liver. I remembered it all, and then I forgot it. I held my tongue. I knew a muzzle flashed three times. I knew silence followed. The stained carpet at my feet burned itself to my memory.

Forgive me Dad.

I awoke in tears. Guilt turned morning hunger into nausea. I knew it was foolish, but I still decided on staying away from the news for a while.