aftermath of glory reigns, to

brittle shards of shattered chains,

cold and shallow, marble view,

dull and withered,

ethereal now subdued,

forever more in flames and fury,

grave mistakes and unknown misery,

hailstorms rain apathic words of

icy dismissal, insincere shame,

just a little, not an issue,

keep waiting, one day, maybe

light will reach the stars again,

maybe the world will shine,

not with war or strife

or instability, just

peace and prosperity, a

quiet rain, a little drizzle, where

rivers calm into little

streams of hidden thoughts, but the

tsunami rolls, covering the sun with

umber skies, wispy clouds with

vibrant glows of carnelian gold, and

whirling embers reduce it all to a

xeriscape of smoldering ruins

yeilding empty, broken stains, a

zion slipping through the smoke and pain

dear fucking world,

i have some things to tell you. i got a journal of things i’ll never say aloud.

dear fucking world, here are the thoughts i have that are more tangled than my earbuds.

sometimes i am just so done.

sometimes i just want someone i can talk to. someone who can just face me, our knees touching, and listen to all my thoughts i keep bottled inside me pour out. who won’t interrupt me. who won’t judge me. who’ll hug me if they know i need it.

sometimes i just want to hug someone for what will seem like forever, holding the hug like i’m holding onto my dreams and childhood.

sometimes i just, not hate, but not really like myself. sometimes i just hate all the hours i waste while i could be, i don’t know, changing the world.

sometimes i look at my knotted hair, my eyes that aren’t framed with long, thick, curled lashes, my flat nose, my cracked lips, and my round face. i look at my hands, chipped nails and the hangnails that have been picked at whenever i’m stressed. and i wonder why i look like such a mess.

sometimes i wish for people to know that no matter how happy i look on the outside, it’s just a facade.

sometimes i wonder why my life’s so boring.

sometimes i think i might never achieve anything extraordinary in my life.

sometimes i wish to be someone i’m not.

sometimes i wish the world could just end.

sometimes i want to just scream at the top of my lungs and let all my anger out.

sometimes i hate myself for eating so much and exercising so little.

sometimes i look in the mirror, and i ask myself, “why am i such a fucking mess.”

sometimes i cry myself to sleep.

sometimes i cover myself in my blankets and wish that the world was just that small, just me and my bed.

sometimes i look at the people around me and wonder why they look so put together. even though everyone’s a mess in some way or the other.

sometimes i just wanna say, “fuck this. fuck all of it. i’m so fucking done.”

sometimes i pretend everything’s alright, and i am in bliss.

sometimes.

sometimes.

sometimes.

dear fucking world,

i can’t change the way i look.

dear fucking world,

i can’t be who you want me to be.

dear fucking world,

i can’t change who i am.

but dear fucking world,

i want you to know.

all of these thoughts? they’re true. they’re painful, real, thoughts i have.

but dear fucking world,

i want you to know something.

i still love myself. i do. i really do.

so dear fucking world,

there you go. i’ve said it. my thoughts, my pain, my hurting, my insecurities.

i hope you’re happy, too.

sincerely,

___________

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ü Tick me off your list of ‘things to do’

v Diamond smiles has seen the last of you

§ You can’t look me squarely in the eye

· Or get round me with your twinkle twinkle

o Circling me, predatory shark

Ø Your poison arrow sadly missed its mark

*You should have used a bullet!

Point taken?

See me

Why don't you

Steal

A second glance

I’ll be a different person

When given the chance

Would you stare at both images

until they blur into one?

Could you see them apart

And also at once?

My heart both hopes

that if you really saw me

you'd love me

and fears

that's why you don't

The young cannot feel youth

We stuff their mouths

With bitter grapes

So why do we fume

When their mouths

Overflow with wine

Their minds were

Beautifully ignorant

Empty of our world’s

Stifling desires and views

So we fill them with

So much nothing

Until they overflow

We remove their insides

There are gears where

Their hearts should be

And they turn on

And on, and on, and on

To the same clinking

They will convince you

This is your heartbeat

But the children remember

When the song was their own

I want to go home

My feet are weary

Mama, I’ve traveled so far

And the ground’s too rocky now

It’s become too unsure

I wanted to feel the soil

Under my little toes

But I didn’t know

Just how far the path goes

I want to go home

My eyes are starting to blur

Mama, I’ve traveled so far

But night has fallen now

And I seem to have lost my way

I wanted to see the blues

And count all of the stars

But I didn’t know

Just how many there are

I want to go home

My ears are starting to ring

Mama, I’ve traveled so far

But the music is silent now

And I don’t know what to say

I wanted to hear freedom

The birds calling through the trees

But I didn’t know

Just how harsh the noise could be

I want to go home

My heart is heavy now

Mama, I’ve traveled so far

But I’ve lost all my friends

They seem to have gone away

I wanted to be loved

And be happy for all my days

But I didn’t want to know

What it’s like when the colors fade