I weighed the options.

Consciously chose the way I did.

Some would argue,

I chose not to use my head.

But if we're going to be honest,

I knew before getting in that bed.

We laughed and smiled.

Things seemed too perfect.

Life was perfectly dialed.

Pull back the curtains.

Watch the flames.

Nothing was the same.

I packed my bags.

Fought through the tears.

Did my best to calm all those fears,

That belonged to the innocent.

This is what I wanted.

Running from the pain,

That continuously haunted.

We played house.

Stuck in the fantasy.

The guilt hasn't hit yet.

But theres hearts that bleed.

And in my head,

It's the shackles in which I've broken free.

But what cost,

Comes with my evil deeds?

Where did you go?

Everything you said,

Has me questioning everything I know.

I've got this empty house.

I've got nothing to show.

We wonder what could have been.

Yet that's as far as we go.

You made your life with him.

I held onto hope.

Hoped you'd change your mind.

Furiously questioned,

How you could be so blind.

Selfishly begged for you to be mine.

I held onto hope.

I'm home now.

Still holding onto hope.

But the laughter is gone.

Two worlds torn apart.

Four bleeding and wounded hearts.

Anger replaced love.

Resentment, not prayers,

Were directed up above.

I built these walls.

Stacked on the foundation of my prison.

Never did I heed any warning.

Choosing not to listen.

I've gained nothing.

But there's so much now that I'm missing.

It's been awhile.

I took some time for myself.

Painfully dusted off the things,

I've left neglected on the shelf.

There were so many things I wanted to say,

But had no one around to tell!

I took the advice,

Looked myself in the mirror.

But it left me empty,

And nothing came close to being clear!

They say this is all trial by error.

But these days that sort of optimism is rare.

My dad always says, "Son, keep your faith."

When death comes knocking,

Politely extend your hand,

And smile in his face.

When you forget all about the fear,

You become immune to life's trivial rat race.

We take it a day at a time.

Breath deep and say the words,

"Things will be fine."

But I've become numb by way of self medication.

Self prescribed with a different pretty distraction.

Asking them to leave before the end of the night.

Constantly hovering in the grey of what's right.

My dad always said, "Son, you got to stop digging your own grave."

Prayers go unnoticed, unappreciated,

In hopes that this defiant soul can be saved!

But don't get your hopes up!

Because I'm just not sure what you'll find,

Once you start peeling the rocks back from the mouth of that cave!

But It's been a while!

God damn it's been a while!

I took the time I needed,

To run from myself!

In hopes of surviving,

To escape my own hell!

I don't know if it'll get better,

But I hope it's something,

That in the end I can weather!

So keep the faith in me!

Have your fucking doubts!

Just keep the faith in me!