‘The pain’s compulsory, suffering’s optional’ - (My 19th Birthday - Dave)

Every individual on this planet is susceptible to pain. The pain will differ - one mans pain may be another man’s dream. The degree of pain will also differ - one mans pain may push him into a dark cavernous hole of depression and that same pain may push another man to defiantly pursue his dreams.

The truth is pain is universal. It is about how one overcomes this obstacle and can nurture it into something profound for themselves; that defines them. Suffering isn’t universal; it’s every individual’s choice to take or to not.

I see a lot of men let their jealousy creep in

Watch who you eat with, the girls that you sleep with

Watch who you talk with, walk with, speak with

The first to the motives, and last to the meetings

Huh, all I know is how to work bruv

Start off as a worker and that's just how it works bruv

When I was tryna work n***** never tried to turn up

But when it's time to turn up everybody turns up

- (Hangman - Dave)

This song serves as a reminder to be self-reliant. The somber reality of the world is that people's priorities are themselves and their closest friends/families. This isn't necessarily a bad attribute, but it can be harmful when people begin to leech off one another. It's the reason some people are left heartbroken, disappointed, alone.

Therefore relying on oneself to build their own future is most important. It allows people to keep their expectations low of others. So when others exceed their expectations, you're left with gratitude and joy.

Love is over-rated;

my emotions lie in the hands of another,

And I'm left frustrated,

my mind entangled in his thought,

And I'm left agitated.

Vulnerable to his words,

excited by his presence;

a strange feeling.

To be cared for;

To be loved;

my mind is at war.

Ready to take a plunge?

And feel the ripples of our love?

I question myself.

My eyes fixate on his smile,

And I'm left untroubled,

my heart jumps at his benevolence,

And I'm left in awe;

Love is under-appreciated.

Reading began to lose significance when I was rewarded for it. I no longer felt the need to read for myself; I read to impress. When I began secondary school, I entered the English classroom with the sole purpose to achieve the highest grade. From this point, my interest in reading came to a steady decline. I restricted myself to only reading books that were part of my curriculum, with the hope that my grade would reflect my focus and commitment to the class. And, as I had predicted, my limited reading was rewarded with high marks and academic validation.

My attitude to reading seemed to work. My English teacher once recommended me to read ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’; he was convinced I would enjoy the book’s social commentary. Unknown to him, despite my strong political views and ability to critically analyze and interpret academic texts, I had no desire to read without reward.

I completed my GCSE’s with a high grade in English and my journey of reading came to an expected end.

Unfortunately, it was not the end. My form tutor at sixth form imposed a compulsory reading time. So at home, I reached for the only lonesome book I found lying down on my dusty untouched shelf. Unwilling to read, I aggressively turned the pages of my yellowed copy of ‘The Kite Runner’ by Khaled Hosseini. Through the weeks of reading time, my aggressive page turns gradually became less hostile and I allowed the words from the stained book to leap into my mind and create vivid images of Afghanistan. It took me two years to finish the 371 paged book. In spite of the eloquent writing, riveting plot, and exceptional character developments; I saw no rationale to read another book.

March 23, 2020 - the first national lockdown and cancellation of my A-level exams. The abundance of time and restricted outdoor activities somehow made me yearn for the comforting story-telling of Khaled Hosseini. So I impulsively bought a copy of 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' from Amazon.

Within a day, I found myself engrossed by the central character 'Mariam'. Her sacrificial nature and society's unrelenting ways gave rise to a beautiful story of endurance, devotion, and friendship. It took me 5 days to finish the 432 paged book. The ending was heart-rendering but mind-altering. Lingering emotions of appreciation, annoyance, and reverence towards 'Mariam' overwhelmed me weeks after finishing the book. 'Mariam' is unjustly executed at the end, but dies happy. Her character is able to accept the somber reality of the world and find happiness in the hopeful future of 'Laila' (another girl exploited by the patriarchal society). The book taught me to appreciate my fortune and revere the complexity of each individual's life.

My English teacher once recommended me to read ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’. Unknown to him, I'm currently reading the book with the hopes of navigating the world with more understanding, empathy, and gratitude.

I no longer read for a reward.