Where are my keys?

The trash smells awful,

My coffee spilled,

Read what post now?

Ugh, left my lunch on the counter.

That jerk cut me off.

5 notifications,

Did I grab my charger?

My boss sucks.

I’m suppose me to go to the gym,

I need another coffee.

She said “what” to “who?”

I really can’t stand being around people.

Did you catch that show last night?

I didn’t post anything today.

He always has an attitude.

Life is too short.

There’s one hundred yards between Joe and the end of the road where he runs out his life. A cold fall evening, he set out on his course with strength, he’d left behind in the road his son’s verdict of “unnecessary stress”. Pounding without sympathy, his heart broke away from the hinges with a pain he refused to acknowledge. But the grief climbed more, and he fought back, “No!” The divorce papers had arrived too soon, and the sheriff’s “hey, wait!” got lost in the wind… Joe ran to the end of his road, where both his hearts collapsed.

Lil red boy you keep your peace, these days are hot and long.

Lil red boy you bring your peace, when them young’ins ain't getting along.

Lil red boy you keep your peace, ‘cause you gon’ be all alone.

Lil red boy you bring your peace, you gon’ need it when you grown.

Lil red boy you keep that peace, the edge you'll be brushed towards.

Lil red boy you bring that peace, a level head’s its own reward.

It was a hot summer’s night in Georgia... no wait, wrong story. Ok, three men walk into a bar and one orders a Tom Colins... alright - seriously, I’m done now.

When I realized that my dad didn’t have all the answers, it was strange - he wasn’t Superman anymore, he was something else, a human.

He, during my mid to late teenage years would charge me “If you meet some one that has a quality you admire and want, get to know them. Hang around them, figure out how they think and how they got where they are”.

I never took his words lightly, and frankly... I’ve gained some valuable knowledge about life from people more learned than myself.

There’s a gritty part to all of that. I’ve only recently had the presence of mind to look at from my Dad’s point of view. And now that my kids are getting older, the 401k and investments, and the hard to manage, yet endearing, gray tree trunks slowly invading all available real estate in my beard - I realize that I won’t appear as Superman much longer in the eyes of my children, and that’s ok. The courage it takes to overcome pride and point those in your care to their greatest potential - even if that entails the leadership of another, is one of high constitution.

“Manhood is the defeat of childhood narcissism”

- David Gilmore

So far... so clear...

Tonight’s skies, I mean. It’s clear... dry, crisp air. The yard, it’s ablaze with moon light - a cup of tea would be a great right now, or the smell of a single malt scotch.

The moon up there, the stars - so far away, the size of them (shaking my head). Earth is so small by comparison, like a speck of sand in the ocean.

I find that when I’m in need of getting my feet back on the ground, it’s helpful to look up. The sheer scale of the universe we know has a certain draw that can pull life back into prospective.

“Perhaps I reacted hastily”, “What’s really important here, my ego or considering ‘their’ point of view?” “I just snapped, and the cost was was than expected”.

It like holding a rock up to my eye, it’s huge, and I can’t see anything else. But if I sit that rock down, and the rest of my life comes back into view - the rock isn’t so big after all.

...but uh, what do I know ;)

I was going through a really tough time in my marriage. I left the bedroom around 2am, sat in the living room - alone and in the dark. Festering, brooding - trying to follow the principles that I believed to be right for a husband, and wondering why is found no benefit it in. I could take no more... “God, I hate you!” I screamed out loud. And suddenly I was alone, out in the desert, and I heard His voice behind me “Wait, come back!” I had ran away. Then I understood what hell was, the absence of God’s spirit. I realized that I’d taken his presence for granted... that the only reason I didn’t feel constant despair in life, was that He was never too far away. No matter how many times I hide, I find Him always willing to seek.

I recently posted a challenge where a few talented writers expressed why they write. Thanks to all of you. I’m compelled now to write about the things that I typically keep to myself, the things a truly love chewing on throughout any given day - the joys and pains of maturing.

My days of the “fearless warrior” are shrinking in the distance behind me, and the road before me... well it’s mostly gravel, undefined. I’m finding more and more value in the general things, and less in the particulars. The management of life, that’s a beautiful thing, a thing worthy of appreciation.

What’s manhood all about? That target is ever moving among pop culture. But a man would do good to tear away from the distractions that our world so graciously hosts, to decide for himself. And develop the moral courage to live it.

Id say... should an identity crisis consume my thoughts in midlife - let it be put down with the realization that the cultivation into a well-rounded man, that’s a unbridled and glorious path.

What do I know..? Just the thoughts of a regular guy.